


(boy)friends with benefits

by Chae2ice



Series: (boy)friends vs the world [1]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Drunk Sex, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Hikaru is a bit of a twat but it’s for plot reasons, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Sexuality Crisis, Smut, We Die Like Men, a lot of making out, but they catch feelings, i forgot to tag angst??, its cute i promise, more to be added as I keep writing, original characters will be important I promise, romantic sex, sexuality exploration, the “pretend I’m him” trope, voyerism, yeah this bad boy is angsty af cause I like writing while in a bad mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22023763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chae2ice/pseuds/Chae2ice
Summary: Kaoru wakes up with the last person he’d expect to and somewhere along the way ‘exploring his sexuality’ turns into ‘oh god I’m in love with him and he’s in love with his best friend but we’re sleeping together’. Maybe this wasn’t his best plan.
Relationships: Fujioka Haruhi/Hitachiin Hikaru/Suoh Tamaki, Hitachiin Kaoru/Ootori Kyouya, Hitachiin Kaoru/Suoh Tamaki, Ootori Kyouya/Suoh Tamaki (one-sided)
Series: (boy)friends vs the world [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745584
Comments: 70
Kudos: 253





	1. Mistake #1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so a couple of notes here! 
> 
> I started writing this when I was 16 and never really went anywhere with it which is why the tone and style may feel a little disjointed. It was written in very different times and skill levels in my life and was never intended to be posted at all. 
> 
> Also I’m sorry if Kyoya is written a little OOC, I’ve always headcanoned him as being a pretty shy, awkward teenager behind his whole facade so now I struggle to write him as anything but that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy ~

Balls in Ouran Academy were a spectacular affair, as would be expected of any event populated by society’s elite. The hall was grand as ever with ribbon and silk hung from the ceiling to create a beautifully hanging bubble around the event. It felt warm and enclosed, balancing out the masses of space to create a low-key feel to the whole event. 

Kaoru hung close to his brothers side at the beginning of the night. His hand lingered on his brothers elbow, just in the sight of the girls they met and talked with. The touch was platonic enough to be comfortable with them both but seemed to drive the girls crazy. 

One brunette kept her eyes pinned to his hand as she spoke. As Kaoru began to move his hand in light strokes up his brothers arm, the girls head followed his movements. It almost amused Kaoru to watch her head bob in time with him until Hikaru pulled his arm away. 

The movement was small and gentle, not jerking him away but carefully moving his arm just enough to make Kaoru’s strokes pause and then end entirely, dropping his hand into his pockets. If the girl’s eyes continued following him he didn’t notice, too wrapped up in attempting to decipher Hikaru’s vacant expression.

His brother slowly turned his head and glanced towards the dance floor. Oh. That.

Haruhi’s hair was slicked back, a style she hated but Tamaki insisted she try for the night. With her face exposed so completely her eyes seemed to glow and her smile shone more radiant than ever. The smile she gave to the girl she danced with was genuine, hence why the girls loved her so dearly. Haruhi didn’t perform her role, she just made girls feel beautiful because she knew they deserved it.

Kaoru knew exactly why his brother was so in love. He thought before that he would be too. If he and Hikaru were one in the same, shouldn’t he love her? If she was the most purely and truly good soul he could find, wasn’t it right that he should fall for her? 

Kaoru felt a soft smile draw on to his lips as he watched him watch her. Leaning up, he wrapped his arms around his brother’s shoulders and bought his lips to his ear. 

“Just go ask her to dance,” he whispered, watching Hikaru’s brows draw and his head shake just barely. 

“Stop it.”

Pouting, he let himself fall back into his heels and used the momentum to ‘accidentally’ knock his brother forwards. 

Hikaru turned to glare at him but sighed and made his way across the floor to Haruhi. Kaoru watched as she stopped to smile up at his flush face as he scratched the back of his neck in a nervous fluster. 

The girl Kaoru was left with looked between them, jaw slightly dropped in her confusion. The girls knew Hikaru and Haruhi were close; both twins spent most of their days huddled around Haruhi’s desk or stealing her attention away from customers, but none of the girls even considered more. Well, maybe until now. 

It wasn’t necessarily unusual for the hosts to dance with each other, Mori and Honey could often be found leading each other across the floor, but even with his bias Kaoru knew exactly how they looked. Haruhi with her warm smile and Hitachiin suit, lead in a loose embrace by Hikaru, with his nervous expression and flustered demeanour. Even the girls had to see it. (And if the not so sneaky flurry of pictures were anything to go by, they definitely had.)

xxx

“Kaoru?”

Of all the people he could have expected to see as he looks up, Kyoya was not high on his list. He knew how he looked: tucked away in the corner of the hall, surrounded by empty bottles (which he can say to his defense are truthfully not all his). He feels his suit bunch and crease as he slouches forwards but hardly has the mind to care. Kyoya himself is holding a bottle so he can’t possibly be the worst in the establishment.

“Kyoya,” he nods. The two had known each other for years by now and yet here they were, barely able to make conversation. Kaoru had always seen Kyoya as an equal, not a shadow king or a puzzle to be solved but a boy. He knew Kyoya appreciated that somewhat or he would never make the effort.

“Could I sit?” 

He quirked his head in affirmation and the other carefully pulled up a seat and joined him. The older boy was as unreadable as ever. His face less a painting than a canvas, with his eyes obscured by the glint of his glasses and his mouth a lax line, virtually void of emotion. Combined with his pressed suit and gelled hair he appeared more android than human: a painfully attractive Agent Smith with model proportions and a human soul. 

Kaoru felt bad watching him so intently but with the distant buzzing of his head it felt okay. It didn’t seem like Kyoya noticed anyway, as he stared off elsewhere. This realisation twinged the smaller boys curiosity and he followed his gaze across the dance floor. Hikaru and Tamaki stood in mutual tantrums as Haruhi laughed without care and danced animatedly with a small group of girls in another corner. 

Kyoya’s gaze was softer than Kaoru expected, even with a drink or two in the older boy’s system. It was such a rare sight of real vulnerability that Kaoru almost couldn’t place it. Gone was the stern tension from his face and in its place was... something else. His lips were parted but curved upwards and his eyes crinkled delicately at the sides. His hands held his chin as he watched and his brows were raised in-

Oh. 

Suddenly Kaoru really wished he hadn’t had that last drink.

“You’re in love with Tono.”

The words were out of his mouth before he’d properly processed their magnitude. Kyoya reacted immediately, snapping his head around, jaw dropped and eyes wide. For the first time since they’d met, Kyoya didn’t seem have the right words. His eyes seemed to fill with tears but he blinked them back and ran a hand over his face, moulding it back into the usual cool mask, nowhere near fast enough.

Kaoru looked down. He didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to see Kyoya upsetting himself and he didn’t want to see him put up his walls either. 

“I don’t know what you’re implying, Kaoru, but-“

“I’m not implying anything, I’m stating it,” he said, gently. 

“Well either way you, I’m sure, understand the position this puts me in,” Kyoya rambled, his composure not slipping despite it being so clearly close to breaking. “I don’t know if you-“

“Kyoya don’t. I’m sorry but please just let’s leave it.”

“No, Kaoru, it’s really not what you are most likely thinking. I really don’t feel that way. I’m not attracted to men that way and I can’t have a silly rumour like that running around-“

“I’m gay.”

“Oh.”

Definitely oh. Kaoru’s eyes widened so much at his own words he feared for a moment they’d fall out of their sockets. Then again maybe that would be so traumatic Kyoya would forget what he just said, so perhaps it was worth a try. Instead he scrunched his eyes shut and sighed deeply, hiding his head in his hands in a silent plea for the floor to swallow him. 

As far as anyone was concerned earlier tonight he was straight. His family, his friends, his brother: everyone in his life was straight so why wouldn’t he be. Of course he knew it was bullshit. He had never liked a girl in his life, not properly. He couldn’t even get off to thinking about girls he ‘liked’ unless it was an imaginary threesome. But dear god he couldn’t be. He couldn’t be the stereotypical gay fashion designer. He couldn’t live up to all the disgusting fantasies about him. He couldn’t be off or different or any of it! 

Kaoru felt a sob wrack through his body but he couldn’t hear it over his own mind. He knew he looked a mess all curled up and tear drenched but he couldn’t help it. Everything was suddenly different and new and out there and he didn’t want any of it.

Somewhere amidst his cries, he felt a hand on his head, stroking his hair back into place less than gently with long rough fingers. Kaoru raises his head. He let his last tears fall and his eyes cleared as he looked over to Kyoya. 

His cheeks were pink and his movements heavy, seemingly having drunk more than Kaoru realised. He didn’t move his hand away. Kaoru was almost grateful. 

“Is it...” Kyoya hesitated, “I mean it’s Hikaru isn’t it?”

Kaoru could feel himself recoil away, his face screwed into an expression of disgust.

“Kyoya that’s my fucking brother!” He yelped, not caring about the eyes on him.

“So you aren’t-“

Kaoru sighed and shuffled closer, allowing both to lower their voices again.

“I’m gay, Kyoya. I’m not a fucking creep. Jesus Christ.” 

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.” 

The two plunged back into silence, neither sure what to say without making things worse. Kaoru felt he should be relishing this: being out and open with himself, but it was still too sudden. God, why did he say it out loud? 

“I think I am too,” Kyoya muttered, head down and eyes distant, barely audible but clearly directed to him. He looked up slowly to Kaoru who tried to compose his face into a supportive smile but knew it appeared more like a silent gasp. He laid a hand in his shoulder none the less. 

“Okay.”

“Yeah, okay.” 

He leaned into the touch and they faded back into silence but this time it was welcome. He didn't move his hand even as he felt Kyoya reach up to lay his own over it. 

The buzz of his head was getting overwhelming as he continued to swig from what he thought was a finished can of cider but he let it overtake him. With his mind so fuzzy he couldn't see the dance floor at all, he wandered if that's why Kyoya was here: just far enough away from Tamaki that a few drinks blurred him into the background.

"Kyo-"

Turning to pose the question, he cut himself off. Kyoya was already looking down at him, eyes distant and lips parted. There was something piercing about his blank stare and Kaoru felt breathless.

"Shall we-" 

Kaoru was out of his seat, pulling Kyoya behind him, before the other boy could finish his words. Texting his driver in one hand and leading Kyoya by his sleeve in the other, he didn't care about anything but getting out of there.

Half way down a stretch of hallways, Kaoru suddenly felt the other boy draw to a stop and turned back on instinct. Even through the alcoholic haze he could make out the softness of Kyoya's palms against each of his cheeks, squeezing them like those of a baby or a puppy. The eyes that looked down on him appeared both lost and full of purpose, unfocused from the drinks. 

And then they were making out. It was sloppy and bad, too much tongue and manic licking from them both and no synchronisation in their movements, but god did they both lose their heads over it. Hands grasped hair and squeezed flesh as they leant in to hold each other up. 

Kyoya pushed forwards and the smaller boy stumbled back, arms flailing behind him and he tried to reach for any kind of grip. Eventually his hand found leverage on a door handle, sending them both flying to the ground of an empty classroom, separating on the way down.

Kaoru gasped on impact but the older boy hardly reacted except to remove himself from where he was plastered over his body. The redhead leant up, placing their faces so close he could feel the others breath on his face but not pushing forward. 

"Can we go back to yours?" He licked his lips as he spoke, watching the way Kyoya's eyes followed every moment. 

"I thought that was already agreed on?" He smirked and the younger boy's inhibitions shattered.

"Fuck me," he said breathily. "Please."


	2. 8 Missed Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry this took so long school got in the way! Hope you enjoy anyway!

His head killed.

Kaoru forced his eyes to open and immediately snapped them shut again. The room was too bright. He pulled up his covers over his head and snuggled back into them, planning to nap through his hangover.

Then he noticed the arm around his waist. Freezing, he realised what must have happened. He was drunk in a hall of girls that were infatuated with him while he tried to play the role of the totally straight asshole host so obviously-

"Shit," came the decidedly male voice from his bedmate. Shit, indeed.

He whipped his head around, wide eyes meeting Kyoya's equally shocked stare as they tried to process their situation. 

"We didn't..." he muttered.

The older boy pressed a finger to his temple, rubbing it in distain. Morning Kyoya was bad enough but morning Kyoya with a hangover after a major mistake of a one night stand? Kaoru feared for his life. 

"Kaoru," he said, voice dripping with frustration. "We've both just woken up naked in my bed and I don't know about you but I have one hell of a hangover and can't remember much past telling someone I'm only vaguely friends with that I'm in love with my very male best friend. So yeah I think we did." 

Pushing himself into a sitting position he let his mind catch up with it all. So he'd slept with Kyoya Ootori, the shadow king, the bloody prince of darkness himself. No big deal. Except that he suspected they had both been virgins and they were both extremely male and they were going to have to continue to see each other every day at club. So basically he was fucked.

There was a ruffle of sheets as Kyoya stood. "I'm going to the bathroom," he said, face unreadable, almost blank. 

The younger boy watched him go, pulling up the bedsheets to create an impression of safety. Kyoya would undoubtedly be pissed. Like really pissed. Like he wasn't sure he'd even make it through the morning pissed. He felt himself collapse on to the bed with a sigh.

Call him a hopeless romantic but Kaoru has always hoped that at least his first time would happen the way he hoped. His first kiss was already stolen by some ponytailed fiend in preschool so he'd never had that to hold on to. His first time though... he'd hoped it would be special. He'd hoped it would be in a few years when he was comfortable and happy with some beautiful girl who he was utterly in love with.

Of course this plan hadn't taken into consideration an unplanned sexuality crisis triggered by a minor crush on a cute new boy which immediately disappeared upon realising he was a she. Oh how God plays with our mortal whims! 

The creek of the bathroom door reopening snapped him out of his spiralling and back to the terror at hand. His first awkward morning after, made worse by the subject at hand. 

Of all the people Kaoru could have drunkenly screwed, he had to chose the one with an icy disposition and a private army at his disposal. Maybe he should have focused his attention on a last farewell letter to his family while Kyoya was in the bathroom! 

Of course, Kyoya was not the worst candidate for this unpleasantness, as Kaoru knew better than most. Sure he was cold but he wasn’t cruel and he had secrets of his own so there was no fear of outing. Just crippling awkwardness from here on in. And possibly death. 

His eyes tracked the older boy as he reentered the room. His bedroom. Where they’d slept together. 

Maybe death would be a better option. 

But as he watched Kyoya, he seemed to freeze in the doorway, making no moves to approach and scanning him calculatingly. He shifted under the gaze. 

When he finally spoke, his voice came across as robotic; as if he were reading from a script. 

“Let me know when you want to leave. I’ll call for a car to take you straight home.”

“Oh,” he felt like an idiot, fumbling over his words only to get out a simple: “thank you.”

Instead of responding, Kyoya forced his lips into a polite smile and turned towards his bedroom door. 

“Wait,” he could hear himself say. The older boy stopped still, his hand gripping the doorknob and his head hung low. Kaoru had seen him in a lot of different moods but this one he couldn’t place. 

He swallowed before forcing himself to push on. 

“I’m here,” his voice felt foreign. “If you ever need to talk... I can’t remember much of what we did, senpai, but I just-“ 

“Nothing.”

He didn’t look up, still staring away from Kaoru at the blank surface of his door. His grip on the doorknob became tight enough to turn his knuckles white, making Kaoru wince as he watched his fingers clench. 

“We did nothing,” he said through gritted teeth. “If neither of us can remember doing it, it didn’t happen.” 

“But you said-“

“I know what I said and now I’m saying this!” He spat out, mask falling away for a moment as he spun to glare at him. 

Behind all the anger he was trying to push to the foreground, Kaoru could see it. He was scared. Maybe even terrified. His eyes seemed just too shiny to be normal and his lip quivered, spasming against the muscles trying in vain to hold it in place. 

No matter how hard he was trying to hide it, Kyoya Ootori was not okay. To make things worse, Kaoru wasn’t sure he ever had been. 

“Kaoru,” his voice was smaller than Kaoru ever thought it could be. He breathed heavily, trying to regain a pattern, a structure; anything but the chaos of feelings that were flickering vividly across his face. “I can’t have- I can’t.” 

“I know,” and he did. He did know that this can’t have happened, not for either of them but definitely not for Kyoya. 

He didn’t stop him as he turned back to the door and left. He barely processed it softly closing or the footsteps rushing away, echoing down the corridor. Pulling the sheet over his head, he fell backwards, trying hard not to think what they’d been doing right there hours before. 

xxx

When Kaoru finally got up and left, he didn’t ask Kyoya for a car but called for one of his own. Kaoru may have been a reckless guy but he was far from that wild. You don’t poke a sleeping tiger or, in this case, an emotionally vulnerable and highly unstable demonic warlord who you may of may not have slept with hours after outing yourself to them and finding out they’re in love with their best friend and dear god he was fucked come Monday.

The short journey home was hardly enough time to sort through his thoughts on the whole matter let alone his feelings. Maybe he would have prioritised that had he known what was waiting for him at home. 

xxx

“Where the fuck have you been?” 

The moment he hears the shout from upstairs he feels his chest swell with conflicted emotions he’d almost completely forgotten about amidst all the drama. Of course with the night he’d had he wouldn’t have made the time to call home. He hated to even imagine how that would have gone.

(“Kaoru? Hey, where are you? I’ve been trying to get hold of you. We’re leaving now where are you?”

“Oh I’m at Kyoya’s place we came back to his to have sex.” 

No. He much prefers his brother not knowing this.) 

On the one hand, he’s happy his brother was concerned. A small but loud part of him presumed that he wouldn’t be. That he wouldn’t even realise he was gone or worse he just wouldn’t care. 

On the other hand, he was miffed. Why did Hikaru only care when he’s not around? Sure Hikaru can go off with Haruhi for the night and leave him alone but the other way round? All hell breaks loose. 

Of course he knows that isn’t fair. He knew where Hikaru was all evening and he’d been the one to give him the okay to go with her. Still, he was tired and upset and confused and he could feel it all bubbling to the surface, directed at the entirely undeserving Hikaru as he tried to push it down as far back as he could. 

“I’m sorry Hikaru,” he sighed, staring down at his own fidgeting as he hears his brother descend the stairs towards him. He can’t look him in the eye while he lies to his face. “I was so pissed I could hardly walk and-“

“And Kyoya-senpai had to take you home. I know.” 

How he knew the lie Kaoru had only just formulated himself, he was almost scared to ask. His sudden raised eyebrows as he looked baffled up at his brother must have said it all.

“Kyoya called this morning,” he huffed, taking the last step off the stairs and standing in front of his brother, arm crossed and expression grim. “I don’t get why he didn’t call me sooner but fuck it, I guess. He let me know you were with him when you were already on your way back.” 

Once again Kaoru tried in vain to hide his surprise. If he called when Kaoru left he must have gone to check on him and found him already gone. Maybe he actually wanted to talk about it after he calmed down. Fuck, Kaoru wanted to kick himself for not sticking around to find out. 

With a sigh, Hikaru stepped forwards, closing the space between them. He carefully put a hand on Kaoru’s shoulder in comfort, as if he had any idea how much more comfort it would take for Kaoru to deal with all that.

“Look, Kaoru,” he started, his voice calm and authoritative in a way Hikaru rarely was. Shit, he must have really worried him. “I don’t blame you. Whatever happened, however much you drank, I don’t care. Just please message me next time. And if someone else is there remind them too. I’m more mad at Kyoya than at you.” 

Oh. Whether he meant to or not, Kyoya took the fall for him. Sure he came off looking like an idiot but Kyoya came out of the ordeal on Hikaru’s bad side and who’s bad side was Kaoru on really? 

Kyoya’s? Nope. If he were on Kyoya’s bad side he’d know it. Even after everything Kyoya had been accommodating enough. 

Really only Kyoya came out of this looking any worse than people already expected and that in itself made up for Kyoya’s weirdness earlier. Whatever was going on with him, he wasn’t taking it out on Kaoru for their mistake. 

“Okay,” he managed to get out. Hikaru smiled, satisfied with this, and turned back upstairs.

“Oh yeah, Haruhi’s round so I’ll probably be going out for dinner with her and maybe Tono later. Can you let mum and dad know?” He called out behind him halfway up.

A nod of Kaoru’s head and his twin was gone. Finally he could sit and stare at a wall for several hours trying to work out what the fuck happened in the past twelve hours.


	3. The Tea Saga (or how I learned to stop worrying and kiss the boy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these updates have been so slow! I planned to update every other Monday but my life has become such chaos (I have actual real adult friends and we go to bars which is wild af for little nerdy me who’s still trying to be all my lecturers favourites) so I’m uploading more like every month on a random day of a random week. I’ll try and get back into the flow of writing and uploading I promise! Hope you enjoy and sorry again!

To say Monday morning was awkward would be a disservice to Kaoru’s immense discomfort and Hikaru’s oblivious disposition. By the time school was back in session, Hikaru seemed to have all but forgotten Saturday nights mishap. Or so Kaoru thought until Hikaru turned to him on the way in, when he had nowhere to run and asked so nonchalantly Kaoru thought he’d cooked up this nightmare in the part of his brain that hated him most:

“What actually went on between you and Kyoya-senpai the other night?”

Kaoru chocked on his breath and blubbered incoherently for a moment before processing Hikaru’s innocent curiosity. He was just confused how Kaoru ended up getting looked after by the Ice King of all people. Kaoru wanted to personally thank God for his brothers lack of observational skills and the bottle of concealer he’d dug out of his mum’s room to hide the evidence of how his night went. 

“Oh he saw that I was drinking more than I could handle and came and sat with me.” The lie rolled off his tongue like honey. “I don’t remember much else I think I fell over” - not a lie- “so I guess he thought I’d be better off staying at his” - definitely a lie- “and I must have fallen asleep before I even thought to call anyone.” 

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. Fuck, what did he say wrong? Did Kyoya already give a different story? Oh god, they should have worked this out before he left. 

“The Ice King decided to look after you when you drank too much?” He whistled a note roughly translating to ‘what a twist, that’s pretty far out’. “Kinda thought he’d just leave us to walk out into traffic or something.” 

The ‘us’ didn’t escape Kaoru. There was a sick comfort to being part of a whole, even if he knew it wasn’t true and was becoming less so with every word of a lie he told. 

“He’s really not a bad guy. We... talked a lot before I... blacked out,” he said, stumbling slightly on his words as he tried to stop himself saying too much. 

Lying to his brother still felt unnatural. Usually he could get away with half-truths and avoiding the subject but here? He could feel himself building a wall between them whether Hikaru knew it or not.

“You actually chatted?” He scooted forwards, eyes wide. “With the Lord of Darkness himself?” 

He sighed.

“I’m not kidding, he’s genuinely a nice guy.”

“You think everyone’s bloody nice.”

Kaoru blinked in surprise. That was... not nice? Hikaru wasn’t ever not nice to him really. Sure he could be playfully mean but this felt judgemental. There was no venom behind it but there was no joking either. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to say so he said nothing and the conversation died with those final words hanging in the air.

xxx

The hours before club time went surprisingly smoothly. Inexplicably, the girls hadn’t seemed to notice an extremely smashed Kaoru dragging an even worse off Kyoya out of the private ball room and out to a car draped all over each other. He suspended it had more to do with their adoration being pointed towards a certain other blossoming romance (the girls were picking sides in the love triangle very quickly) than a lack of interest in the other hosts. 

Even Haruhi, who he presumed was present through Hikaru’s fussing Sunday morning and thus was filled in on the situation, didn’t make comment. He didn’t expect her too, it wasn’t in her nature to pry, but it was appreciated nonetheless. 

The same could not be said of the other of Hikaru’s guests. 

As soon as he was dismissed, Kaoru went straight to the music room, waving off Hikaru’s invite to join him and Haruhi to grab a drink beforehand (he was in no mood to third wheel). The moment he opened the doors to the club room, he wished he’d taken up the offer. 

“How could you let them, Mommy?” Tamaki wailed, shaking a rigidly sat Kyoya.

From the looks of it, the King ambushed Kyoya while he was working and Kyoya was approximately twenty seconds away from decapitating him.

“Those twins are evil! You can’t let one into your home!”

“And yet you let yourself be lead into their den?” Kyoya drawled coolly, an edge to his voice that made its flatness sting even Kaoru. 

Tamaki stumbled over his words. Clearly he hadn’t thought of it that way, though the idea of him thinking at all was borderline scary. Straightening himself up he almost seemed like he had a valid retort. 

“That’s totally different!” 

What else did Kaoru expect honestly? This was still Tono. 

And yet, even with the comeback being so utterly absurd, Kyoya dropped the argument. Kaoru watched in amazement as Kyoya shook his head and, looking back to his computer, let the same smile he’d been wearing the night of the ball fall into his lips. It made him feel gross to watch, voyeuristic and invasive. 

“Afternoon,” he called out to the pair, closing the door behind him as if he’d just entered. Two pairs of eyes snapped up: one pair narrowing in suspicion and the other immediately falling back to his laptop screen. 

Kaoru couldn’t help but feel a little off put. Sure it was understandable after the mess that way Saturday night but seeing how he’d looked out for him on the morning and how open they’d been before it went to shit... he almost thought they could have been friends. Make the most out of a bad situation.

Instead he walked silently over to his sofa with the King’s eyes glued to him every step of the way. The silence hung heavy in the air as his stare burned the back of Kaoru’s head. Even as he tried not to acknowledge it, he could feel the hair on his nape standing on end. 

This was gonna be a long session.

xxx

One particular discomfort Kaoru hadn’t anticipated to have to address after the events of Saturday night was the way Kyoya’s dumb comment made him hyper aware of just what the girls got out of this whole twin act. If the girls actually thought this shit was real then they already accepted him as queer and the first way to interpret that in their fantasy was for him to be in love with his twin. Not only that but even Kyoya made that presumption? 

And what could Kaoru do about it? He couldn’t exactly get up and say he didn’t want to do the act anymore. He was far from ready to answer to his brother about why exactly he’d decided enough was enough and if Hikaru was fine with it then why shouldn’t he be? 

It took a lot of restraint not to slam his head into the table as he felt Hikaru’s hand on his waist. As ever, the two were squeezed together on a tiny sofa, inching closer because “we just couldn’t bare to be even a centimetre apart”. 

Hikaru leaned into him (ew) as they listened to a guest speak, resting his cheek carefully against his shoulder (ew) as his thigh pushed gradually further against his (ew). How his discomfort had never truly bubbled to the surface before he had no idea but it was very much in the forefront of his mind now. Being so deeply repressed apparently has its benefits if it meant not having to acknowledge the objectification he dealt with every bloody day. 

When Hikaru’s hand gripped his leg, he decided enough was enough and jolted up, scanning around him quickly for a scapegoat. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a tea leaf container in the corner was running very low and calculated his odds before deciding it was better than nothing. 

“I think we’re running low on tea,” he managed, sounding much less panicked than he felt and hoping he looked just as collected. “I’ll go grab some more from the cupboard quickly. Hikaru will be a gentleman while I’m gone I’m sure.” 

And with that he dashed across the room and scoop up the little glass pot, noting absently that the instant coffee was actually empty and could have been a far better excuse. He fled the room at such a breakneck pace it was obviously not a casual excursion, leaving the music room door to slam unceremoniously shut in his wake. 

A few paces on, he let himself slow down to a more reasonable pace as he panted from his fleeing. Kaoru may be in shape but only as much as he had to be. 

As his breathing slowed, his mind seemed to kick back into overdrive. With every other step he seemed to find something new to worry about. Is it really that obvious I’m into guys? Does everyone know? Does everyone actually think I want my fucking brother like that? What kind of a person do they think I am? What kind of a person am I? God, what if Hikaru finds out I like guys and presumes it was all real? Does everyone-

He plowed straight into a broad chest, dropping the tea jar with a thud (but luckily not a smash). There a grunt from said chest as Kaoru stumbled a few paces back, shaking himself back into reality and blinking away the unfocused haze of his eyes. 

Fuck. The chest seemed to be attached to a person who just so happened to be a very unimpressed looking Kyoya. The taller boy opened his mouth to speak and Kaoru watched his lips intensely, too scared to actually meet his eye. 

“Why aren’t you inside?” Kaoru barely registered Kyoya finally speaking. The beat of silence it took to comprehend stretching uncomfortably.

“Oh,” he still refused to meet his eye. “Well...”

To his surprise, Kyoya’s lips looked more chapped than he’d expected. He never would have put Kyoya as the type to bite his lip but on second thought it would make sense with his workaholic nature. They were much plumped than he’d ever noticed too, which would make them easy to chew at or even just roll between his teeth as he worked and-

His train of though died instantly when Kyoya’s lips left his line of vision to meet his own. The kiss was demanding and intense as the other boy pushed forwards pinning him between himself and the wall.  
It was sloppy and needy, too much movement and too much tongue but both of them kept pushing moulding their lips together until they felt numb from the abuse. Kyoya’s hands were rested on his hips while Kaoru’s had yet to react from the collision let alone the kiss and remained flat against his chest, slowly reacting just enough to lightly curl his fingers into the shirt. 

“Tama,” he heard breathily from above him, snapping him out of whatever trance made him think making out with Kyoya in the hallway was a great plan. 

As he broke away, he couldn’t help his own nervous laugh bubble in his throat. 

“Jesus Kyoya,” he kept his voice quietly teasing. 

“Shut up.”

“Hey whatever you-“

“Kaoru.” 

He didn’t snap at him. Instead he spoke softly, voice flat and lifeless to a point of being uncomfortable to hear. Kaoru went a shiver run down his spine, take aback by his coldness.

He could feel Kyoya pulling further away and tightened his grip on his shirt. The taller boys face was borderline unreadable but I could already see the cracks showing as his lip twitched downwards for a beat. Kaoru wanted to make it up to him but he wasn’t sure how so he settled for leaning in and lightly pecking him on the lips. He felt like a child but it was nice to just kiss.

“You’re really in deep, huh?” 

He could feel him sigh as he rested his forehead on his chest. Neither moved to embrace and both their arms hung loosely at their sides, dropped down somewhere between the making out and the kiss. 

“I hate how much I love him and how little of a difference it’ll make.” 

He could feel his heart break for him. His voice was so stoic, as if so well acquainted with his own resignation he could hardly feel it anymore. He blinked back tears. This was not his pain to cry for and it seemed that Kyoya had spared all the tears he had until there were none left.

“It’s funny,” he heard grumbled above him in a tone too utterly void of amusement for it to actually be funny. “You’d think sharing it would make it a little easier to rationalise.” 

“Maybe you’re not sharing it right,” he heard himself whisper.

Where Kaoru was going with this was far beyond him but he presumed some part of his brain would work it out. If not, fainting could work. Or faking his death. 

“I’m sorry?”

“Pretend I’m him,” he registered himself saying just too late to actually think about it. Jesus take the wheel cause Kaoru doesn’t have it.

To his surprise, Kyoya simply blinks down at him, glasses barely concealing his eyes widening. At least he didn’t punch him or push him away. This did, however, mean he had to work out what the fuck he meant by that.

“I just mean,” he loosened his grip on Kyoya’s shirt to motion between the two of them, “if this is going to keep happening we should probably address it now. What’s the harm in you fantasising if we’re working with this as friends-“

“If you say friends-with-benefits,” Kyoya’s stare turned icy.

“Friends with a little on the side.”

Kaoru grinned as he watched Kyoya’s face contort with emotions he’d never seen there before. He was so used to his performance of coolness that it caught him off guard how many new emotions he’d seen on the boy in a handful of interactions. The prospect of seeing more was too good to pass up the opportunity for. Also exploring his new found sexual identity couldn’t be a bad idea right? 

“No way,” the taller boy said with a huff of breath, putting his mental tangent on a halt. 

“Come on, Kyoya, what do we have to lose?”

“Everything. We have everything to lose,” his voice was growing more frantic with his manic thoughts but still retained its monotonous tone.

“We both have everything to lose,” Kaoru smirked, inching closer. “Even playing field.”

With one final sigh Kyoya closed his eyes and let himself rub his temples out of stress. When he opened his eyes, he looked Kaoru dead on and bluntly spoke.

“It’s not happening.” Kaoru huffed a sigh as Kyoya spoke, earning him a glare. 

“Just think on it.”

It was the other boys turn to sigh but this time in defeat. He lifted his glances slightly to rub at the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t have time to deal with it now. I was only meant to be here to get more coffee-“

Letting out a loud “HA!” he struggled to stifle his incessant giggling. Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

“I came to fill the tea,” he spoke through a new wave of giggles as he bent down and picked up the jar dropper upon the initial collision. “We need to get better at the whole excuse thing.” 

“Well, we’ll see,” the older boy’s face softened, only for a fraction of a second, and Kaoru was so much happier than he thought he would be. Maybe his impulses were right for once.


	4. Testing the Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my upload schedule still sucks so much dick. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Barely three days passed before Kaoru found a perfect moment to test the waters.

When Hikaru wandered back into the room after grabbing some water with Haruhi during their break, Kaoru immediately prepared to be ditched some time soon. His face was plaster with a comically dopy smile. 

“You look happy?” He quirked a brow in question.

Haruhi peeked around from behind his brother to smile politely at him. 

“We’re having a picnic tomorrow at lunch since the weather’s so nice,” she told him in a matter-of-fact tone so Haruhi he knew she hadn’t caught on to what Hikaru meant before the question even came. “Wanna join us?”

He didn’t need to look up to know his brothers was glaring daggers at him in warning. As if he’d want to deal with that level of third wheeling. 

“As much as I’d love to,” he forced a polite smile, “I wanted to start work on some new designs that day.” His friends didn’t deserve him. 

He resigned himself to having lunch alone, maybe slipping away to the library for an hour. As much as he wanted to be productive, he really didn’t have any work to get through so he probably actually would be working on designs. Typical.

Haruhi and Hikaru left the classroom quickly after they were dismissed, Haruhi offering a small wave goodbye and Hikaru smiling widely and flashing a thumbs up. He already knew he’d dodged a bullet there. 

Having vaguely planned out his lunch period without his brother, Kaoru was struck by the lack of creativity he felt. The timing was just great. He sighed to himself as he packed his things and started the trek to the library. 

Only, half way there he was saved. God really was smiling down at him today.

From his pocket he felt his phone vibrate with a flurry of messages and quickly balanced his bags and school supplies precariously on one side and he check the texts.

\- Haruhi invited Tono  
\- This is so annoying >:(   
\- I’m not mad at her I just thought this would be something nice to do together   
\- But now he’s pestering us

There were more texts but Kaoru decided he didn’t deserve to deal with it at the same moment he had a fantastic realisation. If Tamaki was with those two then...

Buzz! 

He could hardly contain a grin as he checked the message. 

\- Club room in 5 minutes 

xxx

“You’re early,” his voice was cold, sending a shiver down Kaoru’s spine as he closed the door behind him. Kyoya sat at his desk, working away as normal. In fact, it felt a little too normal considering the... implications of them alone together.

“I was by the library,” he approached as quietly as he could, imagining himself as a zookeeper sneaking up on a lion. When he reached his side he froze, suddenly a lot less sure of where he was meant to go with this.

He hummed in acknowledgement.

“Homework?” 

The small talk felt wrong, kinda out of place with their presumed plans, but he appreciated it all the same. He needed to collect his thoughts but it was hard to think with his body entering fight or flight as Kyoya turned in his chair to look at him. All he was doing was looking and Kaoru thought he was gonna faint. Maybe he really did need the adrenaline rush of a spontaneous make out session to actually be as bold as he had been. Figures.

“I was working on some designs,” he was stood stiff as a board, voice a fraction away from breaking with nerves. As he scanned Kyoya’s face, mind screaming to just give up on the whole thing, he saw a flicker of nerves, the only warning he got before Kyoya moved a hand to his thigh. He gulped a breath and watched Kyoya look is at him, eyes obscured by his glasses but mouth a slack, unreadable line.

Slowly, the older boy raised himself up to his level, dragging his hand from his thigh up to his hip as he went and sending anxious butterflies through Kaoru’s insides. At this angle he could see the way his eyebrows creased in a silent question and knew the other boy wouldn’t be the one to make the first move in, even if only to ensure deniability. 

Raising a hand to his senpai’s shoulder, he leaned in, tilting his head slightly one way and then the other, trying to find the perfect angle. He felt a hand on the back of his head guide him to the right place without pushing in, staying lax in his hair as he moved forwards. Closer. So close-

“Ootori-san?” The voice came from outside the door, followed by a knock, giving them a moments time to jump apart and busy themselves before a classmate appeared around the door. Her eyes searched the room before landing on his desk, pausing for a moment when she noticed Kaoru. “I’m sorry to bother you,” she smiled, clearly not at all sorry, “but my friend, Nao-chan, wanted to borrow you.” 

The girl, Kaoru didn’t know her name, was practically buzzing with excitement. A confession, undoubtedly. Kaoru sighed, half glad he wasn’t going to have a heart attack when they went further and half extremely aggravated by the sudden deescalation. 

“Of course,” said Kyoya, throwing on his charming persona instantly. “Could you please give me a minute to finish my discussion and then I will be free for your friend?” 

She smile faltered for a moment as she contemplated but returned full force as she nodded and span away. Poor girl was far too involved.

The younger boy watched, replaying the sequence of events in his head until it really hit him. That poor girl had no idea. In seconds he’d dissolved into giggles to. Looking up to find Kyoya staring down at him baffled only made him attempt (and fail) to hide his laughter for a moment before dropping to his knees and slapping the floor in uncontrollable laughter. 

Try as he might even the Shadow King couldn’t help but crack a smile and eventually found himself softly chuckling at the situation and even more at Kaoru’s response. Kaoru barely registered the quiet sound over his own hysterics but when he did he froze.

Kyoya froze with him, like a deer in the headlights, until he cracked a smile from the floor. 

He couldn’t remember ever having heard Kyoya laugh like that. Or at all. It was nice, his laugh. Kaoru felt a tiny voice inside his head lament its rarity. An even tinier voice worried why it would be so infrequent. 

He lay both to rest and stood, basking in the easy silence they’d settled into. Kaoru knew they got along perfectly fine but it always surprised him to find himself feeling comfortable with The Shadow King himself. Then, he supposed, with everything that’s happening between them and has happened recently if they weren’t comfortable things could get messy quick. Or messier, perhaps.

“So,” he changed the subject quickly, not wanting to risk Kyoya’s bad side, “this didn’t go exactly to plan.”

“This was a bad idea from the get go,” Kyoya sighed.

“It was not!” He sounded more indignant than he felt. A little bit of him knew he was right but he’d be damned if he told him. 

Kyoya’s smile gradually became less prominent and thus less fake. The strain to hide his smile made his face twitch slightly, giving him away. 

“Come to mine later.” Kaoru clearly looked like he felt, having had the wind knocked out of him, because Kyoya’s eyes crinkled as he tried to stifle a chuckle which came out as an uncomfortable puffing. “We’ll try this properly and if we can’t make it work we go back to-“ 

“Awkwardly falling into make out sessions unprovoked?” 

“Sure,” with a resigned head shake he stood, Kaoru’s hand falling away as he did. “I’ll wait outside your class for you.” 

He didn’t wait for an answer before he grabbed his books and left to break that poor girls heart as politely as possible, leaving a bewildered Kaoru in his wake.

xxx

The rest of the day was spent in a daze, sluggishly copying whatever was on the board without processing a word of it. 

“K...”

He knew he was doing no favours for himself. Falling behind on work was one thing but doing so while also making it obvious that something was going on and having the Shadow King himself waiting for him after class? He was digging his own grave and he knew it. 

“Kao...”

Did that stop his mind wondering anywhere but the classroom? Not a chance.

“KAORU!”

He immediately snapped out of his daze, scared back to reality by his brother shouting and waving a hand in front of his face. The classroom was half empty and he’d not even packed up his books yet. If the other occupants of the class were anything to go by, all of whom were regular clients whispering and glancing at him concerned, class was likely dismissed a while ago and he was bringing even more attention to himself than he thought. Ideal. 

“Ah, sorry.”

“No problem,” his brother hesitated before adding, “you all good?” 

“I’m fine, just worked myself too hard during lunch I guess.” 

A solemn glance and his brother seemed to be content, leaning back to chat briefly with Haruhi while he packed up. In the back of his mind, Kaoru knew he should tell his brother in advance but the thought never made it to action and all too quickly they were leaving the room. 

Following his brother out, he found Kyoya stood, checking his watch with furrowed bows. His face relaxed as he looked up and saw Kaoru, but retained a steely, reserved expression. 

“Ready to go?”

Hikaru, looking between them, raised an eyebrow to Kyoya. So maybe he should have told him in advance. 

“Go...?” He trailed off, confused. With a muffled sigh, Kaoru moved to put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. 

“I forgot to tell you,” he smiled nervously, knowing how to play his brother’s instinct to coddle to his favour. “I’m going to Kyoya’s tonight.”

His brother gave him a look which translated to “you’ve got some explaining to do”. Reluctantly, he gave a forced smile and motioned him away. 

“Fine, just message me when you’re on your way back,” he warned with a final pointed look before backing off. As he walked away, Kyoya turned to him. 

“You’re okay?” He asked, stoic expression cracking at the edges. 

Kaoru could feel his expression warm. The pattern of Kyoya’s behaviour was beginning to be understandable: he’d play cool around the others but let it start to reluctantly slip when it was just them. It made Kaoru excited to know he was different from anyone else. Different from Haruhi, Tamaki and especially different from Hikaru. It was nice.

“I’m fine,” he nodded. Kyoya returned this but didn’t make any moves to leave. 

“Are you sure? We don’t have to-“

“I want to,” he found himself insisting. As much as he appreciated and was utterly fascinated by his senpai’s concern, he knew if he backed out now that would be it. And what he liked more than seeing Kyoya in this whole new light was seeing more of this side of him in the foreseeable future. 

He was only taken aback for a moment before composing himself and leading the way out. Once they arrived at his car, the walk a comfortable, if slightly tense with the implications of what was about to happen, silence, he held the door open before climbing into the seat beside him. 

In the front, their driver glanced back curiously at them. He didn’t seem as old as most of Kaoru’s drivers, who tended to be the silently respectful sort. Instead, this driver had slicked back dark hair and wore his uniform smartly but still gave off an aura of cool Kaoru was surprised the Ootori’s let slide. He couldn’t see much of him through the front mirror but he seemed decent looking and held the wheel loosely enough to come across as daring. If nothing else, Kaoru was intrigued.

“New friend?” The chauffeur smirked, knowingly. Kaoru stayed quite, not sure how Kyoya would react to such a casual remark from an employee.

To his surprise, Kyoya simply rolled his eyes, not annoyed but good-naturedly, and leant forwards.

“Eyes on the road, Fukumi-san,” he said bluntly, raising a chuckle from the driver who put his arms up in surrender before starting the drive.

“It’s not my fault,” he kept his eyes on the road as he continued on, leaving Kaoru’s eyes darting between them in confusion at the dynamic. “You really don’t make my job interesting, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“No really! When’s the last time you had a friend round? Last time you went out anywhere? Saw a movie? Anything!” The joking exasperation in his tone was there even if he could tell there was an honesty in the words. 

“You don’t have people over?” He asked, equal parts uncertain and saddened. Kyoya just shrugged, looking away, shoulders rigid. “Not even Tamaki?”

“God, yeah! I haven’t seen him in like a month!” The driver, Fukumi, gasped. 

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, got a girl or something, didn’t you say? Did not expect that!” Fukumi chuckled, eyes on the road and not on Kyoya, who looked like he was either going to explode of throw up. 

“It doesn’t matter now. You’ve got me!” He rushed out, glancing at his friend in hopes of appeasing him. Instead he span to Kaoru with raised brows. 

“Oh he does, now? So you’ll be over a lot then?” Fukumi said, the smirk audible in his voice. 

“Hopefu...” It took him a moment to realise the implications. Did he know? Kyoya told him? A glance to his side disproved this: Kyoya was looking at his driver with eyes as wide as Kaoru’s own, back to looking like he was gonna burst. “...lly.” 

He huffed a laugh. “Good to know. What’s your name kid?” 

“Um...” he hesitated, Kyoya beside him seemingly on another plain of existence. “Hitachiin. Kaoru Hitachiin.” 

The car wobbled slightly as the driver span to quickly look back at him but was blocked by the seat. “Hitachiin?! Like the Hitachiins? God I knew Kyoya had some important friends but your parents are like cool as hell,” he seemed more excited than Kaoru could have anticipated, practically buzzing in his seat. “Kyoya! You know I’m into this stuff why’d you never tell me you knew one of the Hitachiin’s infamously pretty twins!” 

Kyoya choked on his breath. “I’m sorry?” 

“Oh come on, I do so much for you and you won’t even introduce me to anyone who really counts? Seriously you act all stoic and shit but,” they took a sharp right. “Oh we’re almost back - you really do have to have something going to get yourself a catch like that-“

“I- what?” He spluttered in a panic. 

“Well I mean I know you have your looks,” the car slowed to a stop, “but really those boys are like crazy pretty right? I know he’s got money too so unless you’re a crazy good lay-“ 

“We’re leaving!” By now he was red as a strawberry and practically shaking with embarrassment as he raced out of the car. Kaoru couldn’t help but smile. 

“Nice to meet you,” he waved. 

“You too. Be safe, y’know the drill,” he said, winking through the mirror as Kaoru left, flush starting to burn his cheeks. 

As he pulled away, leaving them outside the door as he drove the car towards the garage, Kaoru turned to Kyoya. He’d never seen the other boy blush like this.

“Did he-“

“He drove us home,” the older boy muttered, covering his face with his hands as he cooled off. 

“Yeah...”

“He drove us home after the ball.”

“Fuck.”


	5. Oh No! Feelings!

He knew the Ootori estate was large. Even before their deal, he’d been dragged along on the King’s command to collect Kyoya. It still never failed to impress him. 

The whole place screamed with pretension, marble and arches, framed paintings and rugs worth more than Haruhi’s yearly rent. It was so tasteful and refined and so utterly impersonal, Kaoru felt a hundred emotions at once, like walking through a museum but the exhibit is Kyoya and the implication is that maybe there’s some things there he doesn’t talk about. He wasn’t one to pry, we all have our dirty laundry. 

He followed the other boy silently as they made the journey up stairs and through corridor after corridor, the silence echoing, until they reached his room. Always the gentleman, in manner and grace, he held to door open for his kohai, shutting it behind himself as he followed.

As ever, Kyoya’s room was a glaring combination of abruptly normal and totally not. His bed was raised and the whole space was as large as an Olympic swimming pool. There were framed pictures and wall spanning window, though the sun was still blocked out by blinds. Yet the room was not the polished, perfection one would expect of the shadow king. There were clothes scattered here and there, papers spread haphazardly over every surface they’d fit on and mugs pinning the stacks down and leaving stains without drink rests. It was comfortable, the most lived in part of the house and made Kaoru feel the way everything about Kyoya did recently: he was such a happy surprise, Kaoru was glad he took a chance. 

“Y’know I really do like this room,” he smiled widely, running a hand along the coffee table as he moved towards the bed.

“I’m glad,” he watched him move, eyes tracking every muscle. Kaoru could see him push his glasses up and then changing his mind and folding them on the desk beside him. Kyoya was as nervous as him and that thought alone made him let out a deep breath and ease up. “Shall we start?”

His formal tone sent a shiver through Kaoru. He nodded as he watched Kyoya approach, suddenly losing the calm he’d just achieved. They were really doing this, huh? And nobody was here to talk them out of it? 

He pulled him closer, by the waist, his grip secure while his eyes betrayed a flicker of anxiety. Kaoru could feel his blood burn in his veins as he watched Kyoya try to relax his brows. His arms were wrapped so tightly around him, the younger couldn’t remember feeling so safe. Not in a long time. 

“Close your eyes,” he whispered, trying to keep his tone happy and not cause any more worry, as much as he wanted to reap all the emotions he could from him. Now wasn’t the time, no matter how much Kyoya’s concerns made his every nerve tingle. “It’ll be easier for you to pretend.”

With a single nod, he let his eyes fall shut softly. The younger raised a hand, brushing his fingers against his cheek before letting his palm rest against the soft skin there. He could see the other boy’s lips move so subtly he almost missed it. The action retreated in a mantra of “Tamaki”. For a moment, neither moved to continue on, Kaoru watching intensely and Kyoya’s mind drifting; imagining. 

To his surprise, Kyoya moved forwards first, pressing their mouths together just roughly enough to send Kaoru tripping back a step. Eyes now screwed shut, he moved with the momentum of it and lead Kaoru back until his knees hit the bed and he dropped backwards. 

The younger boy shifted himself into the centre of the bed, face flushed as he tried to catch up with himself. As his senpai crawled over him, he gave up, reaching to tangle his hands in the older boy’s hair. He tugged lightly, earning him a gasp and a place to slip his tongue. 

He immediately regretted this when Kyoya swallowed a second gasp and moved away, hacking a breathless cough. All he could do was watch in awe at how he could possibly be this bad at this. Not only once but twice? The coughing slowly died down but Kaoru could feel his face burning as he stammered an apology.

“Maybe I just suck at this,” he muttered, ready to get up and leave or throw himself out the window. Whichever would spare him the least further embarrassment.

“We’re doing this,” he heard growled from above him. 

A hand planted itself beside his head and curled into the sheets there. Before he could react lips were on his, moving with an intensity Kaoru wasn’t sure was driven by frustration, lust or pride. It made him feel, really feel, so he decided he didn’t mind. 

When Kyoya pulled the same move and slipped in his tongue, he realised why the older had choked. It felt so gross, all the wrong texture and feeling, like a tentacle, something that needed to be spit out. And yet he wanted it. He needed it more, faster, closer, deeper. God if making out could feel this good he’d have to be taken to hospital after the sex.

Sex. Holy shit, were they gonna have sex? Kaoru knew that was implied, he’d known that from the get go. He’d been implying it. But now that he was here he felt like actually doing it may kill him. God, he’d already done it and it didn’t kill him then, right? 

“Tono,” he heard from above him and, Jesus Christ, he was so busy thinking he forgot he had a tongue down his thrown and God did it feel good. 

Kyoya had taken to swirling his tongue around his, moving his lips in time and changing the flow just often enough that wow. He was so overwhelmed he almost missed Kyoya’s hand move from his waist to grab lower. As he squeezed, the younger boy let out a squeak so embarrassingly close to a squeaky toy sound he willed the bed to eat him like a trashy b-movie monster. 

The dark haired boy froze, opening his eyes as he began to pull away. He kept his lips so tightly shut it took a moment for Kaoru to realise he wasn’t mad. He was trying not to laugh. And he wasn’t succeeding. 

“Sorry,” he gasped out between laughs, opening his eyes as he did. “I’ve imagined doing that with him so many times and I never imagined that reaction.”

“I’m sorry-“

“No,” he smiled and Kaoru’s words caught in his mouth like toffee. “It was perfect. It was so exactly how I should have imagined it. It was so real, it was so Tono.”

It struck him in a moment, something so big he wanted to hit himself. In all the time he’d known him, he’d never seen Kyoya look happy. Not like this. Not really. There were glimpses, moments with the King mostly, where he was almost there. This was different. This was the one he’d been looking for, the expression that fascinated him the most of all of them: a wide, open, genuine smile from the prince of ice himself. 

“You look happy,” he found himself blurting out, bussing too much to care. 

“I am. I am.” 

xxx

They didn’t go any further. Neither pushed them on and neither mentioned it. Instead they fell into a comfortable position, laying side by side and holding each other close, tucking their bodies into one another as they moved their lips in synch. It was easy, kissing and holding each other. It felt safe and sweet and homely, like cookies or homemade cake. 

“Pretending,” Kyoya whispered in a moment of silence, the kiss having broken moments before leaving them panting and floating in the moment, “it’s easier than I thought.” 

The lights in the room were all too bright. Opening his eyes to look over at the dark haired boy was a strain. The light poured into the moment and suddenly he felt exposed. Maybe Kyoya had he right idea after all, hiding himself away in his head. He would certainly feel less invaded in moments like these if his heart were closer to his cheek than his sleeve. 

In front of him, Kyoya’s eyes were open only a crack. His mouth turned up, not quite a smile but a quirk of the lip enough to imply it. His bows were relaxed and his shoulders drooped casually, an arm flung around Kaoru’s middle so carelessly he almost doubted Kyoya had control of it at all. 

It was comfortable. Intimate. And suddenly he wasn’t as sure as he had been. Kissing was easy: eyes shut, senses overwhelmed. This was something else. It was warm and vulnerable. It was something he couldn’t drift from, something he was grounded in and present for which he couldn’t imagine he had a passive role in. He was feeling things and not just experiencing them. Emotions not sensations. It scared him. 

If he showed it, Kyoya didn’t acknowledge it, sitting up after a final peck and putting on the glasses he’d discarded over their time together. With a glance back down he got up and Kaoru knew to follow, straightening up his clothes as he went. 

“Fukumi can drive you home. Do you want me to come?”

Yes. 

“No, I’ll be okay.” 

He could feel something shifting. He needed some time to deal with it.

xxx

“You’re off so soon,” Fukumi grinned as soon as the car door was closed. “Thought he’d spare you the walk of shame until tomorrow.”

In an instant he was red as a berry, his hair looking gold in comparison to the deep crimson of his cheeks. He fumbled and shook his head in flustered denial.

“We didn’t-“

“Uh huh, just like how you guys ‘totally didn’t’ the other night too,” he teased, pulling out of the estate and onto the main road. 

“Huh?” His brain didn’t catch up until the words slipped through. “But we did do it that... time.”

The car jolted for a moment and, though the mirror, he could see the other man’s eyes widen. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything?

“Kyoya’s been denying it all weekend. Kid must think I’m blind, deaf and dumb. You two were all over each other on the way home, seriously!” 

God, can the planet open up and swallow him already. 

“I’m really sorry!” 

“Don’t be! You’re giving me something to tell my grandkids!”

He blanched at the thought. 

“Please don’t tell your grandchildren that.”

Fukumi let out a loud “HA!” as he shook his head. For a moment he stayed quiet, staring out the window and focusing on changing down gears, every movement precise. 

“I wasn’t kidding earlier,” he said, softer than Kaoru expected from him, a lull of melancholy in his tone. “I really am glad he has someone around, no matter whether that be platonic or, well, y’know.” 

Unsure how to respond, he just nodded. “Okay.”

“He’s a lonely kid. I know I’m just a driver or whatever but-“

“No,” he was almost surprised by his own tone, almost sounding angry in his intensity. “No, I’ve not seen him like that with anyone else. Like he is with you.” 

The older man smiled, eyes motionlessly watching the road. He didn’t believe it and Kaoru wouldn’t try to make him see it. 

“You make him happy,” he continued after a few moments. “It’s nice. Seeing him happy.” 

He could feel himself smile despite himself. He was never good at hiding these things. 

“You’re a good kid,” Fukumi spoke softly and carefully, like Kaoru was a delicate thing to be coddled. He expected him to say more but he trailed off, any further thoughts hanging in the air, unsaid. 

xxx

By the time he arrived, it was getting late. He guessed Hikaru would be showering so didn’t think twice as he snuck into the kitchen to make himself some food. He was painfully hungry, having missed lunch and dinner, but barely noticed it over the flurry of emotions until Fukumi mentioned the talents of the Ootori’s chef. He silently prayed his brother left him some dinner before the cooks went home but the thought derailed when he found Hikaru sitting cross legged on one of the bar stools devouring a tub of ice cream like he’d never tried it before. 

“What the fuck happened?” He rushed over, wrapping his arms around his brother without a second thought. Instead of sniffling or crying he just sighed. 

“I’m fine,” he insisted, voice muffled by Kaoru’s chest. He loosened his grip and found Hikaru pouting. “I just wanted to be here when you got back.”

He was unconvinced. Letting his brother go, he crossed his arms and gave him a look. Hikaru pouted even more.

“And the ice cream?”

He huffed, cross his arms in a mirror to Kaoru. 

“Comfort food,” he admitted reluctantly.

Kaoru smiled softly, letting himself enjoy his brothers antics before they had to be serious. He took the seat next to his brother, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I just,” his voice was quiet the way it only was late at night when it was just them, “really don’t like the way Tamaki always seems to insert himself. Like I can’t spend any time with her without him, y’know, shoving his way in. Inviting himself.” 

“Is that what happened earlier?”

“With the picnic? Yeah!” He grumbled indignantly but closely followed up with a mumble of “no, not really but kind of!”

“Kind of?” 

“Haruhi asked if he wanted to come.”

Kaoru could have laughed if his brother hadn’t just been gorging himself on ice cream. How they were the same age often baffled him with how utterly childish Hikaru could be. Sure he could also act up from time to time but never in the same temper-tantrum way as his brother. 

“So he didn’t invite himself at all?” 

Suddenly his brother got very quiet, staring down at his hands. Kaoru gave him a few moments before going to speak only for him to snap his head up, eyes suddenly full of a pained desperation.

“I think I like Haruhi,” he whispered. 

Kaoru wanted to scream. Of course Hikaru would be the last to work that one out. But the way Hikaru bit his lip made him pause anything he wanted to say, mind running blank. 

“There’s something else?” 

“I think Haruhi likes Tamaki,” his spoke, suddenly void of the energy Kaoru knew. It scared him to see his brothers eyes so distant. All he knew he could do was wrap his brother up into his arms and hope to god he was wrong.


	6. Enter Tamaki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I was meant to update this yesterday morning I’ve been sleeping so much sorry T^T

Within a few weeks, they’d found a comfortable pattern: meeting twice a week, usually spontaneously with Kyoya messaging him at lunch when he wanted to spend the afternoon together, and never pushing it further than making out and a little touching. 

As time went on, it got harder to pretend the sliver of feelings he felt didn’t exist. One evening Kyoya had held his hand after they broke apart. His hand was warm, sweaty from the physical excursion but rough in the scuffed way overwork seems to cause. 

“I love you,” the older boy had whispered, so quietly it sounded like an accident. Like he’d been saying it in his brain and it just couldn’t be contained in there and burst it’s own way out. His eyes were screwed shut and his brows drawn in a pained scowl, so opposed to his words it opened Kaoru up to a pain he didn’t know could look so real.

Kaoru shuffles onto his side to look up at him, the space between them feeling so vast he wanted nothing more than to scoot forwards and bury himself in his side. He craved the physical affection he knew Kyoya dreamt of having with Tamaki and it ached. 

They had an agreement, a deal. And Kaoru was not going to fuck it up by falling in love no matter how much he wanted to let himself. He dreamt of a faceless, nameless man he’d share his life with. He’d hold them and be held by them and the “I love you”s would be his to own and to cherish, not borrowed. 

Their deal seemed to get more complicated by the day. His growing feelings were only the start. Within weeks they’d already endured too many close calls to ever feel totally at ease together. Kyoya’s brothers had a terrible habit of coming home early and popping a head in to check their brother was doing his homework already, after a single knocks warning. The younger host could feel his body ache even sat still from the numerous leaps off of Kyoya’s bed to the floor where he couldn’t be seen.

The younger had initially bought up concerns about his own brother finding them out but within the week he dismissed them. His brother wouldn’t be any trouble for as long as his own non-drama kept him occupied. A part of him wanted to tell him out of spite, bitterly realising he was hardly even second place in his brothers life right now. A bigger, more prominent part told him to just let it go and wait for his brother to sort himself out and come back to him. He wasn’t sure if the optimism was gonna hold up for much longer with Hikaru’s new habit of unloading on him daily. 

“It’s just creepy, right?” He rambled that morning to his barely awake brother. “Like he’s so obsessed with controlling her that he calls himself her father. She has a father! It’s like he’s trying to replace him or something which... that’s so incest-y, Jesus Christ!” 

“Hikaru we pretend to be into each other for money,” he yawned through his words, stretching out until his hands hit the car ceiling. “I don’t think you can accuse someone else of being incest-y.” 

“That’s different! Besides that’s a whole other thing. Why are we always forced to work together when the other members get to switch around for events and things? I’m sick of having to sit and watch Tamaki drool over Haruhi during costume days and shit when I’m stuck doing the whole gay-for-pay schtick,” he rattled off, each added word making Kaoru recoil in discomfort. The past few weeks have really revealed to him just how long the half hour drive to school can be. “It’s all that bloody Ice King’s fault, I’m telling you. He has a vendetta. I just know he’s trying to get them together and screw me over.”

He sighed, suddenly overwhelmed by his brother’s inability to shut up. 

“First, don’t pull Kyoya-senpai into this. You’re not mad at him, you’re mad at Tamaki and you’re mad at yourself-“ He opened his mouth to argue. “Yes, you are now shut up. Second, you are mad at yourself because you want to actually have a good reason to be mad at Tamaki and you don’t have one other than being excruciatingly jealous and the way you’re scrambling for reasons is neither cute nor clever so please drop it. Third, Kyoya is not trying to get them together, I would know.” 

His brother huffed, face flushed from a mix of anger and embarrassment. A tiny part of Kaoru wandered if he’d been too harsh but couldn’t really bring himself to care after the torture of the past weeks. 

“Whatever,” he sounded as upset as Kaoru expected but there was something else there he couldn’t place. “I get that you and Kyoya are besties now or whatever but don’t expect me to like him.” 

The rest of the journey was silent. He took out his phone five minutes in after Hikaru did the same. He stared at his contacts for a minute, debating who to text, when he remembered he didn’t really have friends that weren’t more Hikaru’s friends. Mori and Honey wouldn’t turn him away but he knew they had more of a soft spot for his brothers antics than for him. Haruhi and Tamaki were both obvious no-goes. So that only left him with two options: Kazukiyo and Kyoya. With Kazukiyo’s schedule, he only really had one option as much as he hated to.

-Hey you gonna be busy at lunch??

He heard a mantra of “you don’t care” running through his mind until his phone buzzed with a reply. 

-I’m free.

“I definitely care,” his brain helpfully supplies. 

xxx

At the bell, Kaoru packed his books into his bag in a single motion, standing to leave before most of his class could even close their books. On instinct his eyes moved towards his brother but found him looking the opposite way, head turned awkwardly not to meet his eye. For a moment he met Haruhi’s eye instead from the other side of Hikaru, quizzically glancing between him and his bag. He left silently.

Outside, he realised he hadn’t asked where to meet Kyoya but kept walking, not wanting to be around when the others caught up to him in leaving. Just over halfway to his senpai’s classroom, he saw him approach with a drained expression as Tamaki trailed behind him, pouting and stamping his feet like a toddler. 

From the fragments he could decipher he knew they were arguing (or more accurately Tamaki was complaining) about something. Snippets found their way to him: “but mummy!”, “how could you?”, “those boys”, “our daughter”, “the family”; ah he was definitely whining about him.

“Senpai!” He called out, giving a small wave and forcing a smile through gritted teeth. 

His eyes flickered to Tamaki, who didn’t even try to hide the warning aura surrounding him as he clung to Kyoya’s side. Bloody boiling, he let his smile drop as he seethed over the older boy’s carelessness towards his friend. Clinging to his side, complaining when he’s getting close to other people; nicknames? It’s like he was trying to play with his heart. 

“Kaoru,” his attention was dragged back to the tallest of the three and his face softened. He opened his mouth to continue and the younger boy instinctively leaned forwards attentively.

“Why aren’t you having lunch with your brother?” Tamaki interrupted before Kyoya could get the words out, stating his question so bluntly is shook through Kaoru like an electrical current. “It’s weird seeing you without the other one.” 

He rolled his eyes as dramatically as possible, wanting Tamaki to feel his exasperation at his core. Kyoya sighed at his bluntness but said nothing (whipped). 

“If you must know,” he gritted out, reluctant to say anything in front of the king, “we had an argument.” 

“You two never fight though?” Tono pressed.

“Well clearly we do.”

“But what was it even about?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” he looked up to Kyoya pleadingly but the other boy watched on as helpless as him. 

“It had to be something big right?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He felt like he could burst at the seams. Even Kyoya looked a second away from stepping in. Times like these he really wished Tamaki came with an off switch; it was just too much. Maybe he was just too tired. Maybe he was just being too irritable. Maybe, maybe, maybe-

“Of course it matters! Whatever you’re fighting over-“

“Kyoya! We had a fight because Hikaru doesn’t like Kyoya and I do! But really we’re fighting because Hikaru finally realised we’re growing apart and doesn’t realise he’s the catalyst not me! And now he expects me to just be around waiting after him constantly while he moves on. And I’m sick of it. Happy?” 

Tamaki immediately shrunk into himself, his regret evident. He didn’t look Kaoru in the eye but the younger was on a roll now, Tamaki’s actions setting into motion an avalanche of emotions he never could have anticipated. The younger didn’t have it in him to feel any remorse. 

“But that doesn’t matter to you, does it? Do we? We’re just evil little monsters trying to defile everything you love. Why did you even invite us into your world when you never wanted us?” He would be causing a scene if the corridor hadn’t emptied so quickly.

“Kaoru,” came a voice from above him, familiar and commanding. Icy calm cutting through his rage like a switchblade: cutting enough but not slicing it entirely. Instead his moment of calm evaporated instantaneously, replaced instead with a new rage. 

“What now you’ll step in?” He stepped into his space, the height difference between them glaring but he didn’t care. Too absorbed in all the feelings pouring out of him. “Of course when it’s him you would.”

He could see the panic flicker in the older boys eyes. He ignored it. It wasn’t difficult. 

“Kaoru, come to the club room,” his calm was wavering. “Now.” 

“No! I’m tired of being treated like an object. I’m so sick of being tossed aside! I just want to be a person.” And then the tears came. “I just want to be me. I want to be okay. I want- I-“

Before he could process it, there was a hand on his dragging him to the club room. He followed blindly, eyes foggy with tears, and stumbled as the doors were thrown open in front of him and he was lead to one of the sofas.

It took a while for him to calm down, curling helplessly into the figure next to him, craving the warmth but so scared of facing the aftermath. He didn’t want to see Kyoya’s face, all stoic but oozing disappointment, but dried his tears and moved away regardless.

But Kyoya wasn’t next to him. Tamaki was.

They stared at one another silently. Neither wanted to make a move to break the uncomfortable silence in fear of even more uncomfortable conversation. Then Tamaki spoke, slowly and softly. 

“You asked why I bought you into my world? I know that I’ve told you why I did. I know you know that,” and Kaoru wanted to agree. He knew on paper. He understood why it benefited them all. But- “But I never told you why I keep you here.”

Kaoru stares up at him. He tried hard to compose his features into an unreadable look as he watched Tamaki lower his head, smiling softly at the hand still resting listlessly against Kaoru’s leg. 

“Kaoru, I know I say those things but I don’t think I’ve ever really believed them. You two are more than just trouble and the longer I know you both the more I know that. You’re both passionate and driven and, sure, mischievous at times, but I know you’d never try to actually do anyone harm. You especially. I care about your brother...” he bit his lip, “a lot. But I trust you, Kaoru, and I think we’re more alike than people realise. Than we realise too.” 

Oh. For a moment he just played with his hands, mind blank. Then the feelings rushed in: the guilt, the shame, the joy, the comfort, the acceptance. 

“I’m sorry I flipped out,” he muttered, staring down at his hands in his lap. 

He didn’t need to look to know Tamaki was smiling. It radiated from him like heat from a fire. Kaoru could understand how easy it would be to fall in love with that boy; he couldn’t be mad at Kyoya or Haruhi for something so natural.

“I’m sorry I was so harsh,” he replied, gripping his shoulder lightly in comfort, making the younger boy look up. “I know I can be a lot sometimes but I never want to hurt you. You guys are my family.”

Grins spread across both their faces and, after a beat of silence as they realise how much Tamaki was right, they are more similar than they realise, they both grasped at each other, pulling into a hug. It was strange, a mishmash of a pair; all limbs and puffy eyes and tense muscles. Tamaki was right though, it felt like family. 

xxx

Lunch with his upperclassmen was surreal. By all logic, Kaoru had assumed Kyoya and Tamaki would be an odd pair. The former was cool and calm, all dark hair and high cheekbones. The latter was brash and unpredictable, with fair skin and wide eyes. Not to mention Kyoya’s hidden feelings on top of all their masses of contradictions.

Yet, sat between them watching them eat quietly, commenting every once in a while and smiling casually, the domesticity was suffocating. The silence never felt heavy between them as it did for Kaoru. In the back of his mind, he replayed Kyoya’s “I love you”, knowing he wasn’t meant to know and knowing that Tamaki still didn’t. 

“Oh yeah, Kaoru,” Tamaki suddenly perked up, mid bite. “Are you free this weekend?” 

“Yes?”

He clapped his hands and Kyoya sighed. The underclassman could almost have laughed at seeing such a perfect microcosm of their relationship. 

“See, you don’t have to go on your own,” he pointedly told Kyoya, like a mother talking to her child. “You didn’t even try to ask around did you! You need to stop taking on these things by yourself, Mommy!” 

He almost choked on his drink hearing that nickname. Lord, he’d already forgotten about it. How did Kyoya make it through these things? 

“Kaoru,” the Prince continued, “would you please give Kyoya a hand picking out some costumes and themes for next term? I’m thinking Greek gods!”

Put in the spot like this, he felt like his brain was short circuiting. Yes, he would love to help choose themes and costumes. Of course he would! Fashion is his whole thing, he was raised on it and lives in the middle of it. But spending so much time with Kyoya. Alone. When they’re meant to be doing important work that he needs to pay attention to? 

“Yeah sure. What time?” 

xxx

They didn’t ride home together that evening. Kaoru knew he hadn’t cooled off yet and avoiding his brother always makes him mad, so no doubt Hikaru would be seething for now. Staying behind and calling another car was a tactical move.

Or it would have been if his brother weren’t waiting for him in the kitchen to ambush him. 

“Kaoru,” he started bluntly. There was a venom dripping from his voice he was clearly trying to stifle. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, whether he wanted to or not. “Why are you avoiding me?”

He sighed. His brother’s obliviousness to his own words and actions had become a constant in his life by now. Usually he could pretend it didn’t matter but the resentment was bubbling over this time. How long had it been since they’d last properly fought? A few years at least. 

“Because I knew I’d get mad again if I had to actually talk to you.” 

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

He glared pointedly at him but his brother’s clueless, offended stare did nothing but fan the fire. Did he really have to spell everything out for him?

“I’m mad at you. Really mad at you. So mad I don’t even want to see you.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” He raised his voice. How dare he be the one to raise his voice?

“Why do I always have to accept that you have other friends when you can’t do the same for me?” He snapped, clenching his fists and willing himself with an internal mantra not to cry. 

“Is this about Kyoya?” He could hear the indignation in his voice. It shattered him.

He spun on his heel to face away as the floodgates opened. He always hated being an angry cryer but never quite as much as now. Covering his eyes with his hand and trying to hide a sniffle, he could feel his whole body shake with resentment. Resentment at Hikaru, at himself, at Haruhi and Tamaki and Kyoya; at the world. God, he was so fucking mad.

“I don’t want to do the act anymore. It’s humiliating,” he held back a sob as he spoke, slightly muffled under the effort. “I hate it.” 

He didn’t look back as he left.


	7. “You paint?”

He could feel his phone buzz under his pillow. It must have been going on for a while without him waking up. Right now, nothing could possess him to leave his bed. 

Absently, he could hear movement downstairs and tucked himself tighter into his covers. Seeing his brother after that... no. No, he just couldn’t do it. He’d message Kyoya in the morning and-

Oh wait...

A knock interrupted, as if on cue, and Kyoya slipped in without waiting for a response. As he moved forwards, he raised a brow at the younger boy’s bundled form. 

“You could have given me a minute,” he pouted. “What if I was naked?”

The raised brow only lifted further. He could feel his cheeks flush as the bed dipped. The older boy perched on the edge seeming totally regular levels of uncomfortable and uncharacteristic levels of anxious. 

“Why are you cocooned in your bed at 11 am, Kaoru?” 

That sure was the question, huh. A glance at his clock told him the other boy wasn’t even exaggerating and suddenly the guilt swelled. They were meant to meet at half 8. Kyoya must have been trying to get hold of him and waiting for him that whole time. 

He buried his head under the covers. All he wanted to do was cry and go to sleep. 

“Kaoru,” Kyoya muttered and he felt a hand rub his back over the sheets. “I know I’m not good at this but you’re not on your own.” 

And the dams broke. He sniffled helplessly as Kyoya awkwardly removed his hand. The sheets around him were getting damp with tears. 

“I’m sorry I made you wait,” his voice cracked. 

“It’s fine. I’m blaming Hikaru for whatever he’s done, not you.”

Kaoru let out a wet laugh, finding the older boys correct assumption that his brother was to blame funnier than he should. Slowly he pulled out of his bundle of bed sheets and sat up. 

“I’m just sad. Mad and sad.” Kyoya nodded along with his words understandingly. 

“Was it about me?”

He paused. Initially yes but not exactly.

“I told him I didn’t want to do the act anymore,” his voice was little more than a whisper by the end of the sentence, as he trailed off when he realised how that could inconvenience the other boy. “It was a spur of the moment thing. I’m sorry.”

Kyoya sighed, deeply. 

“That will inevitably be inconvenient for sure but, if you think it would be best, I’m sure it’s fine. What bought it on?”

He sat up, smile slowly falling on to his lips at his senpai’s words. He could have hugged him right there. 

“It’s not a big deal. He just said it was creepy and that he didn’t like the ‘gay for pay’ thing. It kinda upset me.” 

Kyoya’s face dropped from stoic to blank. The younger boy shivered at the sight. 

“He really said that?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, Kaoru, but I really dislike your brother.” 

“Yeah, he’s not your biggest fan either.”

They fell into a loaded silence. Both wanting to say more but having nothing to add without aggravating the situation. Eventually Kaoru unwrapped himself and shuffled off of the bed. 

“I’m gonna get changed. I’ll just be a minute,” he called as he headed to his drawer. 

“I’ll wait outside.”

“Okay.”

xxx

Now fully dressed, he headed towards the door to join his senpai but froze. There were voices. Faint but definitely voices.

“-upsetting him.” 

Kyoya’s voice sounded deeper in his loud whisper.

“-care... why are you... brother-“

Hikaru on the other hand sounded like a child having a tantrum. He nearly rolled his eyes (a week ago he’d have found it endearing).

“-care about him.”

“No... using... for what?”

“Doesn’t... upset... apologise-“

“-he got mad... my fault-“

“-of course... fault!”

A beat of silence and then stomping footsteps away. He moved to open the door after they’d gone.

For a moment, Kyoya’s face was screwed in an anger he rarely saw. It was the kind of frustration and hurt that he sometimes saw slip through when his father was concerned. Seeing it here could have shattered his heart but it was gone before he could even tell if he’d really seen it. In its place was an empty blankness that made Kaoru shiver. It was so familiar but, having seen him be so warm and so cold and emotional and fragile, he’d momentarily forgotten what Kyoya’s mask looked like.

“Was that Hikaru?”

“Let’s get going,” he shrugged, moving ahead in a blink of an eye. His voice was a steely neutral. 

“Hey,” he caught up with a little jog. “Whatever he said, don’t listen to him. He’s still wrapped up in his whole fantasy about you being some kind of evil dictator.”

“It’s fine.” His voice was still empty.

“No, it’s not. I hate how he won’t even try to get along with you for my sake. I’d do it for him! But instead he’s obviously just upsetting you-“

“Kaoru, leave it.”

“But he-“

“Drop it!”

Even though his voice was raised, it didn’t have the anger Kaoru expected. Instead he sounded exhausted and strained, like if he’d kept pushing it would have ended in nothing but a struggle for him. 

He smiled, forcing the movement unnaturally onto his lips, and started walking. Even if they were friends now, Kyoya was still an intimidating guy. 

“Let’s go get some fabrics!” He called back as he felt Kyoya lagging behind. He thought he saw Kyoya’s lip twitch but didn’t want to risk looking back again. 

He knew he wouldn’t be mad. Rather, it just struck him that Kyoya waited two hours for him and then confronted his brother for him. Oh god these had to be feelings.

xxx

“Are we leaning more to tangerine or coral? Because personally I was thinking we should stick more to rose kinda tones in general. Oh maybe a melon!” 

Kaoru ran between racks, picking up and throwing back samples of fabric and definitely paying no mind to the way Kyoya’s brows were raised in amusement nor how attractive it made him look. Nope he was totally fine and not caring one bit. Either way it was a nice distraction from that morning.

“I trust whatever you choose,” the older boy inputted during the first moment of silence, leaning forwards to bridge the gap of the display in between them.

“But senpai! You have a better eye for colour than the others,” he could feel himself pout at his ramble being shut down but dear god it was like word vomit. And Kyoya’s little quiver of the lip wasn’t doing him any favours.

“Better than them doesn’t mean as good as you, though. Really Kaoru, I don’t have an eye for clothes.” 

“Bullshit,” he gasped, throwing down a sample. “Haruhi doesn’t have an eye for clothes. Tamaki doesn’t have an eye for clothes. You have.” 

“I can dress myself. It’s hardly the same.” 

“You can dress yourself and you caught onto the colour scheme I gave everyone the quickest and you picked the perfect table clothes to compliment the room!” 

“I understand colours; I have to. And I can dress myself because I’m not a child,” he smirked, undoubtedly thinking of their helpless friends. 

“What do you mean ‘I have to’?” Kaoru started to flip through another, slightly more carrot-y, set of oranges absently.

“I paint.”

...

He knew he must have looked cartoonish in the moment. Instantly he froze and slowly looked up at him, creasing his brow and looking back down as he processed.

“That makes so much sense.” 

That explained why he seemed to get Kaoru’s need to work on designs. And his sense of colour. And his impeccable fashion sense. And why he was so unfairly attractive in every god damn way and-

Oh lord he was so into him he could cry. 

“That makes so much sense. How did I not know you paint?” 

He shrugged like it was the simplest thing in the world. 

“It’s my hobby so I never really think to bring it up.” 

“What? That’s nonsense,” he let his mouth hang open, needing Kyoya to understand how absurd he was. “I’m always getting excited about my designs and bringing them up. I didn’t even know you liked art!”

“I love it. My mother took me to a lot of galleries as a child.” 

“Really? Do you have a favourite?” 

“I love the Tokyo Met but, I’m sure you if anyone will understand, the Mori Art Museum is the number one for a reason and that...”

‘Wow,’ Kaoru found himself thinking as he spoke, ‘he is so perfect I am going to fall so hopelessly in love with him.’ And by god does thinking it make it real. 

“...if you’re ever in London, I’d definitely recommend it.” 

“Do you think I should change the designs if I’m not gonna do the twin act?” He heard himself blurt our in his panic to move onto a topic that didn’t make Kyoya’s whole being glow.

The older boy looked so stunned for a moment Kaoru knew he’d have laughed if the shame weren’t so deep. As ever. 

“I guess,” he nodded thoughtfully, rounding the display to join Kaoru at the other side. He stood close, gazing over his shoulder at the fabrics. “Maybe keep one as it was and change the other. As long as you haven’t already started making them.” 

He hummed in response, not trusting his voice. He stared silently forwards for a beat.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” The dark haired boy placed a hand on his shoulder, making him jump out of his skin. 

“If I don’t do it now, I won’t do it at all and I’ll regret that. I want control of this one thing,” he said, chest heaving with a sigh as he looked anywhere but Kyoya’s eye.

He thought it through as he flickered through the fabrics. He peaked a rose gold material and held it up excitedly.

“What do you think?”

Kyoya looked between him and the fabric analytically, clearly calculating his response. He nodded.

“That works. The colour looks good with your complexion. It’s pretty.” 

He could feel his face heating up and knew there was nothing he could do to stop it. Instead he spun on his heel dramatically and started towards the till.

“I’ll buy it, then,” he was endlessly grateful his voice didn’t crack.

xxx

Back at Kyoya’s, they huddled together on the kitchen table, moving pictures and ideas together to explain their points. The table was crowded in fabric and sketches and notes and pictures, only making sense to them as they explain their ideas.

“I think the best course of action is to assign each member themes,” the older boy suggested as he moved everything back to make an open space. Kaoru tilted his head.

“How?”

“Think more abstractly. If we know what we associate with each member it’ll be easier to choose a god to represent them.”

He nodded, brain wondering to what he would associate with each member. 

“But we still need to think about colours. It’s no good assigning you someone like Apollo when I’ve already bought so many greys and blues for you,” he sighed. “We should have worked this out first.”

“You couldn’t have worked while that stressed. It’s hardly an issue.”

Hiding behind his hand, he couldn’t stop himself cracking a smile. He thought his senpai had taken him shopping to calm him down but the fact he really did, and even the fact he knew that would work, made his heart sing. 

“So,” Kyoya dragged Honey’s picture into the middle. They both stared at it for a moment in thought.

“Sweets,” Kaoru whispered. Kyoya raised a brow and picked up his phone. 

“Cooking then, maybe?”

He nodded in agreement. “He’s pretty homely. Comforting. Like a teddy bear!” 

“Hestia? Domestic goddess?” Kyoya looked up over his phone and Kaoru grinned. 

“Perfect.” 

They went on like this, bouncing ideas back and forth as they worked through the hosts. 

Haruhi was Charis (because of her charm and kindness), Tamaki was Zues (because he’d have a tantrum if not), Mori was Soteria (because of his safe, protective aura) and Hikaru was Momus (because of his love of jokes and pranks).

That just left them and they decided to choose for themselves at first. They showed each other their ideas and both raised brows. 

“Kyoya, you are not Hades,” he huffed.

“And you are not Ate. If anyone would be kicked out of Olympus it’s your brother.”

“Fine who did you think I should be?” He moved his picture into the middle and crossed his arms expectantly. 

“Persephone.”

Kaoru nearly fainted.

“What? Why?” 

“You suit spring. I know it’s your favourite season too,” he looked up for a moment as he reached for a notebook and flicked back to an older sketch. It was a pair of slacks with a shirt and a sweater vest embroidered with flowers. Damn he hardly even remembered drawing it. 

“Okay... yeah I like that idea,” he paused. “But you don’t suit Hades at all.”

“That’s just because you know me,” he gave a pointed look, glasses glaring.

“I really want you to be Athena, though. It’s even the right colours!”

“Kaoru,” he continued to look at him intensely. “I appreciate it but I also know you all call me ‘Shadow King’ behind my back-“

“Not anymore!”

“-and it’s better to just stay with what people expect. They’ll already be shocked enough by you and Hikaru’s fighting.” 

“I guess,” he hesitated but then it hit him. “Wait if you’re Hades I can’t be Persephone!”

“Why not?” 

“They’re in love!” 

“That was the idea.”

“You said we can’t get the girls worked up!”

“This isn’t getting them worked up just,” he paused, choosing his words, “stirring the pot. If there has to be drama we may as well try to profit from it. You saw how invested the girls have started to get about Haruhi and Tamaki. And then Hikaru added to the mix? And now their best friends start to throw hints? If we’re lucky the profits are going to skyrocket.”

He sighed. There was no use fighting it. Money was money and they were running a business after all. So what if he thought his heart was gonna explode just at the thought of it.

xxx

He didn’t go home after that like he’d expected to. Instead, as he asked if he should call his driver, Kyoya told him he could stay. And so he did. 

At first it was fine: they finished their plans and talked about school but then the awkward silence came. Kaoru found himself fidgeting, stroking the blanket on his senpai’s bed until his hand felt numb as Kyoya typed away at his laptop. 

Eventually, the older boy paused, turning to face Kaoru as if he just remembered he was there. He cleared his throat.

“I was just emailing Tamaki about what we decided. He likes to have the final say but never usually disagrees.” 

He nodded in understanding and they were plunged into silence again for a moment. Kyoya put down his laptop and stood but his demeanour was uncharacteristically tentative although he was trying hard to come across as a blank slate. Kaoru has begun reminiscing more and more recently over how he’d started to see the cracks in the mask more often than the mask now that he knew what to look for. A twitch here and a strained movement there. 

“Did you want to see my art?” He asked, like it wasn’t the most massively adorable thing Kaoru had ever heard. 

He jumped up only slightly too enthusiastically.

“Yes!”

Kyoya tried to hide a smirk as he moved towards a cupboard the other side of the room. Swinging it open, he revealed canvas upon canvas of landscapes and still lives and... portraits? Kaoru’s Eyes flickered between them as Kyoya shuffled one aside, obscuring it from view. He raised a brow at the golds and pinks of the canvas. 

Kyoya caught his eye, realising he’d seen, and sighed, moving the painting into view. It was a portrait of course and a stunning one at that. His back was turned but the side of his face seemed to glow with a peaceful smile as he looked out at the sky. The sun caught him just right and the brush strokes seemed to capture just how, in the right light, he seemed to radiate a light all of his own. 

Tamaki looked like a dream and Kaoru could feel his blood boil with jealously and his mind fizzle out with adoration. How could he ever have thought this boy was cold when he looks at the world and sees this.

Kyoya had barely put the image down before a hand was on his cheek guiding him into a single, hard kiss. He froze in the other boys hands but didn’t move away. 

When they separated, Kaoru felt breathless. He heaved as his face grew red in shame. 

“I’m so sorry,” he waved his arms in front of him in a frantic apology. Kyoya just smiled softly. 

“It’s fine. You’re allowed to. We have a deal, don’t we?” 

“I guess...” he trailed off, staring at the floor so intensely he didn’t notice Kyoya stepping closer until he moved to go in for another kiss. 

With an uncomfortable clacking of teeth, they bumped foreheads. The momentum knocked them both back a step as they held their head and groaned. 

Looking back up, they met eyes. Kaoru snickered and they were gone, both giggling like children. Kaoru threw his arms around the taller boy’s middle as they laughed, burying his face in his shoulder. 

“We’re a cliche,” he giggled.

He leans in with a hum and quickly they’re under his bed covers, Kaoru’s hands in his hair and his around the younger boy’s waist as they lick their way into each other’s mouths. 

It still breaks Kaoru’s heart a little to never hear his name on the other boys lips. Especially knowing he’s definitely gasped out his as the older boy trailed a hand a layer lower than usual and the petting became very heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s my birthday tomorrow! Also let me know if the relationship development feels at all rushed I can’t tell :/


	8. The Final Straw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s a slightly late update again I’m watching gossip girl with my friends and got wayyyy too invested

The next morning, Fukumi’s face seemed to light up as soon as Kaoru opened the car door. He turned back to talk to him over his shoulder, grinning. 

“I was hoping you’d stayed over. Kyoya told me he was getting a lift back here from your driver so I presumed you two were,” he waved his hand in a vague motion, “y’know.” 

“We didn’t have sex,” he flushed red. 

“God, you youngsters are weird. At least he saved your walk of shame until morning this time. Now that was painful to watch,” he chuckled, rolling his eyes wistfully. He turned back to the wheel.

“I think we’ve just gotten closer, that’s all,” he shrugged. “Like we’re actually friends now.” 

Fukumi spins back around, choking on air dramatically. 

“I would hope you’re bloody friends. You’ve been dating for like two months now,” he sounded somewhere between confusion, amusement and horror. Kaoru’s eyes widened. 

“We aren’t dating!”

“Kid, I’m not blind! I crack jokes about you two every time I see you!” 

“Yeah, about us having sex!”

He paused. 

“Fucking hell, you dirty motherfuckers. Kids these day, holy cow,” he muttered under his breath, glaring at the floor before raising a brow at him. “You’re really not together?” 

“No!” He yelled in exasperation but then thought it through. “I mean, no I don’t want to sound like I don’t, y’know, want to-“

Fukumi’s eyes widened so comically Kaoru would be laughing if he wasn’t watching his life flash before his eyes. 

“You’re telling me that Kyoya, my Kyoya who I drive around and annoy, was not only punching above his weight but had the bloody audacity to turn you down? You’re pulling my leg man. I-“

“He doesn’t know,” he whispered into his hands covering his cheeks. 

“What?”

“He doesn’t know.” 

...

“Kaoru, I’m only saying this because I care: you’re both fucking idiots.”

“I know.”

xxx

It was a few days before Tamaki came storming into the music room during lunch time. The two looked at each other as the door swung open, both raising brows in a silent “thank god we were working”. The blonde charged across the room, folder in hand and slammed it onto the table in from of them. With a sigh they both stood. 

“Tamaki,” Kyoya pushes his glasses up his nose. “What could possibly be the matter?” 

“Mommy! I know you think I’m dumb but really!” He pointed a dramatic finger at the two of them. “Pairing yourself off with one of our dear children, as if I wouldn’t notice!” 

“I’ve explained it once and I’ll explain again.” He carefully pushed the finger away. “The girls love drama and they love ships. If Hikaru is being shipped elsewhere this is a win-win.” 

Tamaki gasped indignantly. 

“Also,” chimes in the younger, “he’s doing me a favour.” 

He seemed to freeze in his dramatics for a moment in contemplation before his expression softened entirely. Still, he crossed his arms with a huff. 

“Fine, I’ll allow it. How are the preparations going otherwise?” 

“I’m all done with the costumes except for a few final touches,” the redhead recited, giving a mock salute as he did. He heard a muffled hum of a laugh beside him and could hardly stop himself grinning. 

“All the plans are coming together fine,” Kyoya confirmed. “Is there any other issue with the plans?” 

The blonde pouted and shook his head, clearly hoping they’d messed up something so he could take over. Ever the needy parent. 

“If that’s all settled then, we better start pushing the promotions. Only a few days to go.” 

xxx

A whole week and a half the twins had been no-shows to club and the impact of it was palpable when Friday came around. Not only were the girls excited as ever over the event, with the costumes adding an extra wow factor with all their erotic implications, but the promise of seeing the twin back in club had their customers practically foaming at the mouth.

By now rumours of the twins fight were spreading like wildfire. Theories ranged from “Kaoru is bitter because he secretly likes Haruhi too” all the way to “Hikaru has been leading a major smuggling business off the back of his parents company and now the family is ostracising him for it”. Somehow not a single theorist had picked up on Kaoru suddenly spending a lot of time with Kyoya, which honestly surprised both of them. 

A few minutes before doors opened, Kaoru was starting to get jittery. Seeing Hikaru across the dressing room as someone else explained his role was strange. Seeing him the other side of the stage, in a completely different costume to his? Surreal. Maybe a good surreal, he considered, as the taller boy beside him looked down towards him.

“Stop worrying,” he whispered, too quietly for the others to hear. 

“Can’t help it,” he muttered back, through gritted teeth. 

He felt his hand on his shoulder and instinctively leaned into it right as the girls seemed to burst in through the main doors. Slowly, he tried to unclench his body so he didn’t look so much like a deer in the headlights but seeing the girls eyes whip from him to his brother made his insides bubble anxiously. 

“Dear Princesses! Or, should I say, Goddesses?” A few girls giggled and swooned as Tamaki started his opening speech. Kaoru wanted to laugh but let the bubbles of amusement stay in. “We invite you all today to join us here, in Olympus.”

There was a round of applause, so totally unearned in how loud it was, before the girls started side eyeing him again and Tamaki pushed forwards. 

“As today we are all representing a different god, I feel that it would be beneficial for us each to introduce ourselves before we start!” He paused, waiting for an applause which swiftly came before straightening out his robes. “I... am Zeus, king of the gods!” 

The girls went crazy as they went down the line introducing themselves one by one. 

“I am Hades, god of the underworld,” Kyoya held his head high and invited the awe of the room. Kaoru felt a shiver run through him, caught between the nerves of how the girls might react and the thrill of seeing the other boy in his element. 

With a sigh he stood straighter. All eyes on him. 

“I am,” he hesitated, looking to Kyoya for encouragement but seeing him scanning the crowd, “Persephone, god of spring.”

At first he was simply met with applause but slowly a whisper fell over the room and the girls turned to him wide eyed. Everyone seemed to be looking towards the two of them. Kaoru almost felt fulfilled seeing his brother stare, brows drawn, between the two of them. 

xxx

“So what,” Hikaru started, stomping over the where his brother had been packing up cutlery once the last of the girls were gone. “You called it off with me just to go host with him? I don’t get what you’re trying to achieve.” 

He sighed and put down the last of the cutlery before turning. 

“Hikaru please just shut the fuck up.” 

Almost instantaneously, he watched his brothers face shift from white to red to purple as he clenched his fists in rage. Kaoru was sure he would have exploded (either figuratively or literally) had they not been interrupted. 

“Stop right there,” Kyoya drawled all too casually as he stepped in. “The girls will still be outside; what if one of them heard you?” 

“God, Kaoru how the fuck do you put up with this?” He turned to the other boy. “Do you really only care about the fucking club? You’re such a prick it’s unbelievable. I don’t know what you did to manipulate my little brother but I swear to god when he gets his mind straight-“

“Will you stop talking for me? This isn’t your decision!” Kaoru snapped, tired and irritable and just plain bored of it. 

“What the fuck is going on with you, I-“

“Stop it!” Came a shout from across the room, followed by the stomping of a tiny figure rapidly approaching and pushing her way into the group. 

“Haruhi?”

“We’re leaving. You’re gonna cool off and then if you’re in the mood to be mature you’re going to fix this,” she gestured between them. “And if not then you’re gonna cool off even more.” 

She grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him away in the blink of an eye. The moment they were gone, Kaoru felt his eyes welling up and turned away to hide it. 

“Kaoru,” the dark haired boy laid a hand on his shoulder hesitantly. 

“Just give me a minute,” he muttered and felt the hand leave his back. He wanted it back the moment it was gone but instead, wracked with emotion, he spun around and threw himself at Kyoya. After a moment, the older boy slowly placed his arms around him, looking up awkwardly to the other hosts as Kaoru sobbed into his shirt.

xxx

“Can I stay over tonight?” He asked in the car.

“That was the idea,” Kyoya smiled softly, placing a hand over his. “You know you’re always welcome.”

From the front seat Fukumi watched them silently. He wanted to ask a million questions: what’s wrong? what is Kaoru doing here and not home? why won’t he just tell him he loves him? He kept quiet. There was something special happening back there and he couldn’t invade.

The whole way back Kaoru felt warm and safe. More so than he had in a while. Kyoya didn’t move his hand.

xxx

“I think you’re going too far,” Haruhi tapped her foot like an angry rabbit as she lectured him. He laid sprawled out across his bed, head buried in a pillow. 

“Not my fault.”

“Yes it damn well is. I know you two. You I can understand getting angry because of something dumb like, hmm I don’t know, being jealous of your brother having friends,” she gave him a pointed look that he couldn’t see but knew was there. “Kaoru, though? Whatever happened he’s upset. Big time.”

“I know that!” He threw himself up into a sitting position just to glare at her. “I’m positive the shadow king has gotten into his head.”

“Hikaru, stop saying that. How many times do I have to tell you: Kyoya really isn’t like that.”

“Enough times that it becomes true,” he snapped. Her brows raised and he immediately sighed. “I’m sorry, I just... I don’t get it. I don’t get why he’s just up and ditched me all of a sudden.” 

“Have you asked him?”

“Yeah! I mean...” he paused and thought about it. Had he? “Probably?” 

Haruhi sighed and came to sit down next to him. 

“Ask him.” 

He nodded reluctantly and then pouted. She struggled to keep down a laugh that threatened to burst out at the sight of him in an oversized hoodie with his arms crossed, pouting. Just like a toddler. 

“What if I really fucked up and I don’t even know how?” She wasn’t sure how to respond as he turned to look at her with eyes so sad she barely recognised them. “He hates me, doesn’t he?”

Scrambling forwards, she pulled him into a hug so tight she worried that she might hurt him. He sighed into her, putting his whole weight into her arms. 

“He could never. I know he loves you. That’s not gonna change.” 

She felt him curl up even tighter, hiding his face in her shoulder, and-

Oh.

Her heart sped up just a little at the feeling.


	9. Oh? OH?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading this now because OOP I’m drunK so I have the confidence to post it ahh. I’ll put a summary at the end of the chapter so WARNING AND PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS cause there is smut and it is quite explicit so if you’re uncomfortable with that PLEASE skip over to the ending notes for an explanation!

“Did you want anything to eat? I can have our cook make something quickly.”

“If you wouldn’t mind?”

Kyoya smiled, ever amazed at Kaoru’s utter sincerity. 

“It’s no problem. I’ll be right back,” he called out as he spun in his heel and left the room.

Now alone, Kaoru fidgeted with his hands, not sure what to do with himself. From the corner of the room, he could see the cupboard he knew Kyoya kept his paintings in. 

Carefully opening it, so as not not make a sound, he revealed the paintings in all there glory. To his elation there seemed to be new additions, a few canvases he didn’t remember seeing the first time. A landscape, somewhere in Europe he guessed from the quaint gates and greenery. Another, this time of a cityscape with blurred lights bleeding into one another. And lastly, tucked away at the back with the other portraits... him. 

Unlike the painting of Tamaki, this one wasn’t ethereal. The light didn’t bounce off him and he wasn’t glowing with perfection. 

He was dimly lit, only a faint glow of a light casing shadows across his face. It was warm though, as if he was curled up in front of a fireplace. His shoulders were bare, a blanket draping off of him, and his eyes opened only a crack as he smiled a small smile at the painter. Kaoru almost felt like he was looking at a stranger. It felt too perfectly imperfect to really exist. 

He tucked it back away and closed the door, heading to perch on the edge of the bed in a daze. His head snapped up and his stomach dropped in shock as a knock came at the door and Kyoya walked in, carrying a tray with two plates and two cans of some kind of carbonated fruit drink on it. He smiled and shuffled up the bed as the other boy put the tray down and crawled onto the other side. 

“I wasn’t sure what you would want but I remember that you like chicken so,” he motioned to the plate of katsu chicken with extra chicken “voila!” 

Kaoru couldn’t help but smile and immediately started to dig in, stuffing his face with food so quickly he thought he might choke. He needed the comfort food. And the distraction. Not to mention it was absolutely fantastic.

Kyoya ate slower, chatting idly with the younger boy as he did. 

“It wasn’t as if my brothers were mean per say. The age gap was just too wide, we never quite got past it.”

“You get along well with your sister though, right? Isn’t there an age gap there?”

“True. Maybe it’s just the pressure. We’re all working towards the same goal, it was bound to cause friction.”

Kaoru put a hand on his thigh. 

“That’s not okay, y’know. For your dad to drive you apart like that. I don’t know what I’d do.”

The other boy smiled down at him, patting his hand lightly in thanks. The contact seemed to burn Kaoru’s skin in the best way.

“It’s okay. I always have my sister.” 

Kaoru’s smile faltered for a moment. He wanted desperately to agree, to feel that secure in his relationship, but-

“And you always have your brother. You know that, don’t you?” Kyoya whispered, as if saying it louder might scare him away. He wasn’t wrong. God damn mind reader.

“I don’t know anymore.”

At that, Kyoya put the plates aside, onto the table next to the bed, a turned to face him. He raised a hand to the back of his neck. 

“I know for a fact that it is objectively impossible to hate you, Kaoru. It just isn’t possible,” he shuffled closer. “I also know that there is nobody, not a soul, who loves you as much as your brother. You were each other’s worlds for so long he couldn’t ever ever hate you.”

Kaoru could feel a tear splash down from his cheek but didn’t feel like crying. He wiped the wetness from his face and fell forwards until his head was resting against the older boy’s chest. He breathed out a deep sigh.

They stayed like that for a moment, almost frozen if not for Kyoya slowly moving his fingers up to comb through his kohai’s hair. Kaoru tried to remember to breathe but his mind was running at 100 miles a minute. His self control had yet to catch up.

“Kyoya?”

“Yes?”

“Will you sleep with me?”

A puff of a laugh came from above him. 

“Unless you want to wait for someone to set up a guest room, that was the plan.”

“No, I mean... the other kind of sleep with me?”

There was a long pause. Kaoru could feel the blood pumping through his skull as the silence carved away at him. 

“Oh.”

Oh, indeed. Kaoru wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. He hated the way his senpai made him so reckless and defenceless and impulsive. He hated it so much he wanted to cry from the sheer shame of it. 

“Now?”

He nodded silently, biting his lip so hard he was scared he might break the skin. 

“Okay,” he heard a whisper from above him and shot upright. “If it’s what you want and you’re definitely sure. I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re upset...”

“No!” He gasped. “No I want this. I really really want to, Kyoya, I’m not-“

He was cut off by a kiss. Their lips moulded together so perfect he felt like the lead of a classic romance, their very own perfect Casablanca moment. 

They pulled apart slowly, a string of saliva connecting them as they did. Kaoru gave a pleased hum before scrambling to get rid of his shirt and trousers. The dark haired boy turned and opened a drawer, pulling out supplies, and suddenly Kaoru felt a rush of thrill run through him as the reality set in. He watched in awe as Kyoya removed his own shirt. 

Climbing over him, his senpai laced their fingers together, pinning him to the bed as he lay back and let him kiss down his throat. At his collar, he bit down, revelling in the gasp it gained him and continuing to suck and nip at the bone. 

Pulling his hands out of the other’s grip, Kaoru reached up and removed his glasses slowly, placing them on the table before turning back. He stared up for a moment before lips came crashing down on his again, harder and more erratic than ever. Hands moved along hot skin, into hair and gripping.

He let out something between a gasp and a hiccup as the older boy pushed a thigh between his legs. He could hear him chuckle but didn’t care. The friction was almost enough to drive him crazy on its own.

For a minute he let it continue, Kyoya kissing him deeply, filling his mouth with a warm tongue, and kneading his crotch with his leg. Eventually he pulled back and kicked off his underwear, grabbing the lube beside him as he did. 

The other’s eyes widened. He licked his lips.

“No,” he placed a hand on his hip. “I want to see you.” 

At that Kaoru paused as Kyoya shot up and turned on the lamps either side of the bed before rushing to turn off the main lights. On his way back he threw the sheets off of the bed. 

He felt his heart beat a thousand times a minute as he set his fingers, his senpai’s prying eyes on his every move. Lightly he traced his hole, hips arched up to give him the ideal angle as he slipped a finger in. 

He could feel his movements being traced as he pushed in and out, eventually slipping in a second. By now Kyoya was beyond half mast and breathing heavily.

“You’re good at this,” he breathed, scanning his face with hooded lids. 

“I’ve been practicing.”

He could almost see the cogs in Kyoya’s brain turn as his face went lax and he swallowed. Suddenly he was leaning over and pouring lube over his own fingers.

“What are you-“ he was cut off by his own whine at the feeling of another long finger being pushed in alongside his. They moved in synch fucking into him until he was loose. Kyoya pulled back.

“You’re sure about his,” he ran a hand down his side, using his other hand to pin his hand to the bed. Kaoru still had two fingers inside himself and nodded desperately as he scissored, trying hard to hold back a whine at the loss of the third finger. 

Kyoya sighed with a small smile and reached over to the condom beside Kaoru’s head. He shuffled out of his trousers, groaning as the cold air hit him, and bit his lip as he slid it on. The younger groaned at the sight of it as he slicked it up with lube, giving up a few pumps as he did. Suddenly he remembered reacting the same the first time and smiled a little at the thought that ‘wow, that’s been in me before’. 

Wiping off his hand on the sheets to his side, Kyoya caught him by the back of each knee and hooked them around his back. Kaoru pulled out his fingers, whimpering from the loss of contact so wantonly Kyoya let out a deep breath above him. 

“Ready?”

He nodded slowly, raising his arms to Kyoya’s shoulders as he pushed his way in so slowly it felt excruciating. He clung to the older boy, trying to urge him to go faster but he wouldn’t. Eventually he was fully inside and gasped out a breath, hiding his face in the crook of Kaoru’s neck. 

“You feel so good,” he muttered, leaving kisses on the side of his neck as he spoke. “So nice,” he leant back, trailing a hand across his chest to his nipple which he pinched between his fingers earning him a gasped moan, “so hot.” 

Impatiently, he bucked his hips, the friction making him choke on a cry. Kyoya threw a hand over his mouth and he held on to it like a lifeline. 

“You want me to move?”

He nodded and instantly the dark haired boy started to pull out and push back in in a slow rhythm, waiting for him to get adjusted. Kaoru licked and kissed at his palm as he did until he removed it and threaded it into his hair, pulling lightly as he started to speed up his thrusts. 

The younger boy moved with every thrust, breathing in time with the movements. Eventually, Kyoya shifted his angle slightly and he saw stars, digging his nails into his back and gasping out a moan of his name. 

“There?”

He nodded frantically, not thinking of anything but how much he needed to feel that again. And he did, thrust after thrust hitting right where he wanted it. His mind was spinning and Kyoya’s name left his lips in a whispered chant. Reaching down, he grabbed his own length and stroked it in time with every thrust. Kyoya watched with a pleased moan. 

“Kaoru,” he gasped into his shoulder. “God, Kaoru, I’m not... I can’t last.”

Kaoru’s eyes screwed shut at one particularly rough thrust sending waves of pleasure rippling through every nerve. He shook his head frantically.

“Me too,” he gasped and within moments he came with a whimper of the other boy’s name as he did. 

“Fuck, Kaoru,” the older gasped, coming with a thrust deep inside him as he felt Kaoru clench around him. 

They laid like that for a moment, Kyoya sprawled on top of Kaoru, still deep inside him as they clung to each other panting. The younger moved first, grabbing Kyoya’s face and pulling him into a slow, sloppy kiss. He slowly pulled out, returning to the kiss and laying beside him as soon as he did. 

It took a while for them to part. Minutes ticked by before Kyoya shuffled away, turning his back to him as he disposed of the condom. He quickly came back, picking up the sheets from the ground and crawling under them to wrap himself around his kohai. Kaoru hummed appreciatively, leaning up to peck his lips. 

“When we were,” he drowsily ran a hand over his side, “you know... you didn’t think of him?” 

He paused. Kaoru felt him shift and watched passively as he turned away. For a moment, he thought it was all over. Maybe he’d been too forward? Too pushy?

The silence pushed on. He could feel his own nervous jittering. Maybe Kyoya was already asleep. He couldn’t see to tell.

“No,” he whispered eventually, breaking Kaoru out of his head.

“You didn’t want to?”

“No.”

“But you’re in love with him?”

Kaoru was met with silence again. This time the silence lingered. It clung to his lungs and drew the air from them. His whole body seemed to be waiting; anticipating.

“No.” 

And he could feel the world around him stop existing. Shuffling his way forwards he placed a palm flat against his back and carefully pressed his lips against the blade of his shoulder. He didn’t kiss the flesh but let his lips rest there still.

“I think I’m moving on and,” the continued pausing for a moment to breathe deeply and sending a wave of hope through Kaoru’s every atom, “I think I’m happy about it.”

“Oh,” he breathed because what else was there to say. Instead he shuffled impossibly closer and kissed his shoulder softly, letting his lips linger as their bodies lay close. “Take me on a date?”

He nodded silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay summary: Kaoru finds that Kyoya has been painting him and is so flattered and emotional he asks Kyoya to have sex with him. Kyoya reluctantly (cause he’s scared Kaoru may not be ready) agrees but as they continue he really gets into it. At the end Kaoru realises Kyoya didn’t say Tamaki’s name but his. He asks him why and Kyoya gets uncomfortable but admits he has feeling for him. Kaoru asks him on a date.


	10. What if we kissed in the park (and we were both boys)?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys this is a long one so buckle up this was meant to be three separate chapter worth of stuff but I couldn’t find a nice way to split it so here we are! Hope you enjoy!

He woke up to a buzzing of his phone, something that seemed to be becoming a common occurrence. Checking that the call was indeed from either his brother or Tamaki (it was Tamaki this time), he declined the call and turned over to his companion. 

It was always nice seeing him so serene but now, half naked and covered in scratch marks, Kaoru felt his heart screaming. Careful not to wake him, he shuffled closer, tucking tighter into his arms to place feather light kisses to his jaw. 

Eventually he stirred with a groggy frown in place, quickly softening at the touch of lips to his skin. The younger wanted to laugh as he watched the emotions flicker across his face.

“I refuse to be woken up any other way ever again,” he muttered as he turned his head to kiss Kaoru’s lips sweetly. 

“I’m not always the one waking you,” he grinned, rolling himself to straddle the other. “What if it were your maid?”

Kyoya smirked and shook his head. Lifting a hand to his waist, he stroked the skin there in calming circles. 

“Then we’d have a problem,” he pulled him closer, “cause I don’t intend be unfaithful.” 

He bit his lip to restrain his own smile. The other boy smirked back up at him, clearly trying to force his face straight. 

Instead of waiting for an answer, Kaoru held his face between his hands and kissed him hard. If their kisses last night had felt like a movie, this felt like a dream.

“So,” he smiled unrestrained now, “about that date?”

Kyoya shook his head with a chuckle so charming the younger almost wanted to swoop down and kiss him one more time. And he could so he did, winning a blinding smile in return. 

“Let me get dressed and we’ll go.”

He grinned and rolled off the other, falling on to the bed with a sigh. He had to be dreaming. 

xxx

They were half way down the stairs, chatting casually, when Kyoya held out a hand and stopped him in his path. Bellow then we’re voices. The pair looked at each other, trying to silently communicate but failing as the older tried to mouth words and the younger cocked his head with a vacant stare. 

With a sigh, Kyoya grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him behind him down the stairs. Instead of heading for the door at the bottom, he pulled him to the left and towards the voices. 

For closer, it was more clear that the voices were both female. Kaoru perked you at the realisation and looked up at Kyoya who make him a small smile before dragging him into the room. 

The room, a spacious commons area Kaoru recalled falling asleep in once while Tono gave some speech about his plans for the club, was lavishly furnished and brightly lit. Though unsurprising it did make for good circumstances to meet Kyoya’s favourite family members in person for the first time. 

Sprawled over a chaise longue across the room, Fuyumi cradled a mug of tea with a delicacy in stark contrast with the way the rest of her body language seemed to dominate the space. Opposite her in a love seat, her mother laughed politely at something she said, gulping her tea as if the steam weren’t still rising from it. 

Kyoya cleared his throat and both woman turned to him, smiling warmly upon seeing him. 

“Good morning, darling,” his mother rose from her seat, giving him a swift kiss on the cheek before her eye caught Kaoru. “A new friend?”

“No, mother,” Kyoya smiled softly, “this is Kaoru.”

A loud gasp interrupted from behind them and Fuyumi rushed over, buzzing with excitement.

“Hitachiin?” 

Kyoya nodded and the girl turned her attention on him. She grinned and clapped her hands together. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ootori-san, Shid-“

“Its so nice to meet you! I went to your mother’s show last year in Italy with my husband. It was wonderful. I’ve always loved her coats in particular but after the show I went and bought about five of her spring line dresses and a few back catalogue pieces. Please give your mother my highest, highest regards!”

Kaoru nodded attentively as she spoke, careful to pay attention to her rapid declarations of love. He knew that many other students shied away from accepting compliments on behalf of their parents but he had always loved it. His heart swelled with pride at the achievements of his mother and the very idea that he could one day contribute to their legacy.

“I’ll tell her as soon as she’s home,” he mirrored her grin unconsciously. 

“Do you know how fashion week’s going for her?”

“Apparently she’s getting a lot of attention from investors and critics. Says dad’s getting jealous.” 

They laughed together and Kyoya gazed between them with a confused smile. From the corner of his eye, Kaoru could see his mother watch him, a smile of her own slowly growing. He didn’t mention it to the other. 

“Fuyumi,” Kyoya steppes forwards, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Could I ask that you let me take back my friend?”

“As long as you promise to bring him back,” she waved as they turned to leave the room. “Frequently!”

Once the door was safely closed behind them, the dark haired boy leaned down to his level. He moved his mouth closer to his ear.

“As soon as we get in that car,” he whispered, hand stoking his hip, “I am kissing the hell out of you.” 

He bit his lip, not sure if he was folding back a laugh or a scream but definitely holding back something. He side eyed him and smirked, pushing through the front door and calmly walking towards the car waiting outside. Kyoya followed swiftly behind.

The moment the door was closed the taller boy made good on his word, yanking the other forwards by his shirt with such force it dragged him almost into his lap. Not that he would have minded of course. 

The kiss was searing. Hands moved into hair and across skin and under shirts. Tongues twisted together in a patternless mess of sucking and swirling and licking. For a while they forgot everything: who they were, why they were, what they were, where they were...

“You’re bloody lucky you’re my favourites,” Fukumi called from the front, shielding his eyes as much as he could.

They pulled apart slowly, both turning to him with hazy recognition. Slowly Kaoru’s face flooded red in embarrassment and he bowed as deeply as possible sat down.

“I’m so sorry, Fukumi-san!”

The older man rolled his eyes, shaking his head with a small smile. He turned back to them. 

“I’m guessing this means you finally got some, eh?” He raised a brow jokingly but faltered for a moment when neither objected outright and hugged a sigh. “You kids...”

Kaoru wanted to laugh but slapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself. Fukumi’s confusion so perfectly mirrored what he knew his own should be and yet here he was. 

“So,” he continued, “we’re taking Kaoru home?”

“No,” Kyoya said without elaboration, clearly luring Fukumi to ask. Kaoru wanted to roll his eyes but he knew that he’d pay to see Fukumi’s reaction too. 

“No?” From the mirror, Kaoru could see his brow crease in confusion and could barely hold back a giggle of excitement. “Where to then?”

Taking a little initiative in their scheme, the younger boy placed a hand on the other’s thigh, drawing them even closer. Kyoya looked between him and the driver with a proud smirk firmly in place. ‘Smug bastard’ he thought with affection.

“I’m not sure,” he paused acting terribly as if deep in thought to drag the moment out. “Fukumi, where would you recommend for a first date?” 

Fukumi’s eyes could have fallen out with how wide they went in an instant. He opened his mouth and then closed it before breaking into a wide smile. 

“He told you?” 

“Told me what, exactly?” He tilted his head in confusion. Kaoru wanted to squish his cheeks at the sight. 

“How he was utterly besotted with you,” he put a hand to his head in a faux swoon as he spoke, unaware of how Kaoru’s face was bordering on purple from the sheer embarrassment. 

The older boy turned to him, brow raised. He sighed and raised his hands in surrender, head handing low and cheeks burning. Kyoya only smirked. 

“Actually, Fukumi, I told him.”

Fukumi turned back again, still clearly shocked but more enthralled this time. His wife smile grew even wider. 

“No! No way, you’re too proud!”

“I’m telling you right now, so do not try to find out down the line...” Kyoya leant forwards in his seat, back straight and glasses glinting, “but if I told you how it happened and why it happened you would probably quit your job right now just to never have to deal with our shit again, okay.”

Fukumi gaped.

“You cannot tell me that and then expect me not to ask.”

“Fukumi,” Kaoru piped in. “He’s not kidding.” 

He looked betrayed but, with a pout, spun around and pulled out of the drive way. 

xxx

“A park?” Kaoru tilted his head in confusion. 

“It’s private grounds, actually,” he smiled down at him before turning to Fukumi. “I’m impressed Fukumi. We’ll probably be, say, two hours?” 

“Of course. Call me if you need me any sooner,” he gave them both an exhausted look through the mirror as they shuffled out of the car. 

Once they were out, Kyoya pulled out his phone and quickly typed a number into the keypad. The younger watched with a brow raised.

“Nothing’s wrong you needn’t worry,” he spoke in reply to whatever was said over the phone, glancing at Kaoru’s questioning expression but just smiling instead of giving him any kind of answer. 

He huffed, pouting at the negligence. Kyoya just breathed out a small humoured breath. 

“It’s Fukumi’s bonus,” he paused, brows drawing briefly. “No no, quite the opposite! Precisely. How much? Of course, thank you, mother.” 

With that he clicked a button and the call ended. He stuffed it into his back pocket and turned to the other.

“I know you did that to show off how nice and powerful you are,” he pouted, crossing his arms as he spoke, “but it totally worked and I’m very wooed, even if you are such a chad.”

xxx

For the most part, the date continued smoothly without many bumps. They decided to take a walk around the grounds, Kaoru practically dragging them towards the wooded area in excitement at seeing the little bridge leading into it. 

The railing was decorated with a quaint pattern of ironwork and colourful marbles to create the appearance of koi swimming through clear water. He dragged out his phone to take pictures as the other watched him enjoy himself contently. As the sun emerged from behind the clouds he grinned, snapping photos of how it shone through the marbles, cascading the light in brilliant colours across the bridge. 

“Wait,” he gasped suddenly, spinning to Kyoya, “go sit on the bridge.”

“What?”

“Go,” he pushed him towards the bridge, jumping on the spot in excitement. 

Kyoya did as he was told and Kaoru smiled to himself. He knew the other wouldn’t understand until later but the picture would be too perfect to pass up on. He lifted his phone and shuffled around, trying different angles as he spammed his gallery with pictures of the older boy more beautiful than ever in the pattern of light. 

Once he’d managed to be dragged away from the bridge, the two watched close, chatting about nothing as they shared in each other’s company. Every now and then their hands would blush and every single time they both blushed like preschoolers. Eventually Kyoya did make a grab for his hand but he realised a moment too late and had already started jetting forwards and pulling out his camera at the sight of a particularly cute marten. 

The taller boy chuckled softly, kneeling beside him as he cooed and awed at the ball of fluff. It stared back at him, frozen in place with vacant eyes and fur stood on end. Quickly it turned and ran the opposite direction but not before Kaoru got a stream of pictures.

“I never knew you enjoyed photography,” the older smiled. He rose to his feet and held out a hand for Kaoru which he took. As it turns out, this was a tactical move on Kyoya’s part and he didn’t intend to let go of his hand once he was up. The younger could hardly complain. 

“It’s a hobby,” he shrugged. “It never inspired me as much as designing or just sketching so I don’t do it much. I do like it though. It’s nice for practicing composition and getting references.”

The other nodded along, understandingly. 

“I never tried it but maybe having references could be nice.”

He froze mid-step, jolting the other back with him. 

“You mean you don’t paint with a reference?”

“Not really,” he was mid-shrug but seemed to change his mind at the sight of Kaoru’s slack jaw. “I have references like old pictures of people but not the exact image. I just work between the pictures I have and my memory.”

He continued to gape at him. Now he was far more upset than before that Kyoya kept his paintings a secret if they weren’t referenced. The boy must have a photographic memory!

Without thinking he stepped forwards, on to his tiptoes, and pecked the other on the lips. After a moment of surprise, the older boy placed a hand on his hip and pulled him into another longer kiss. They both found themselves smiling into it.

xxx

Later, lounging across Kyoya’s bed, Kaoru edited the pictures as well as he could. He wished desperately that he could have taken a better camera with him. Alas, his was sat on his desk at home and Kaoru was so removed from his belongings even his clothes weren’t his own. 

He’d thrown on one of Kyoya’s shirts at random but found the fit was perfect for the ‘oversized open shirt with a necklace and fitted trousers’ look he wanted to trademark. If the look up and down Kyoya’d given him that morning meant anything he’d guess his boyfriend approved too. 

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

He could feel himself grin just at the word. Needless to say, it would take him a while to get used to it. 

“What has you so happy?” Kyoya smirked as he closed his laptop and pushed it to the side table. 

He bit his lip. He didn’t want to sound as pathetic as he really was. 

“Oh,” he thought of something, “I just finished editing some pictures from earlier!”

“Can I see them?”

He nodded handing over his phone. The reaction was immediate.

“That’s me?” Kyoya seemed to gawk.

“Yeah?”

“Wow,” he paused to flick though some of the others. “Kaoru, these are gorgeous.”

“They’re nothing-“

“If they were of you, I think I’d be fighting to keep you. Even more than now,” he smirked. Kaoru rolled his eyes and gave him a light shove.

“Good thing they’re of you then since you look this good all the time,” he pouted an exaggerated pout but broke into giggles before he’d finished the sentence. He flicked through a few more before giving the other a brief glance only to find him watching him. “What?” 

“Nothing,” he smiled, shuffling closer.

Kaoru quirked a brow but only watched as he took the phone out of his hands and set it aside. The younger sat up and immediately found his lips sealed in a kiss. He chuckled into it and squished him cheeks in his hands affectionately. 

“Nothing?” He broke away for a second.

“You think I’m good looking?” 

Kaoru rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“You’re a host. You know you are.”

“Yes,” he admitted, running a hand down his arm, “but you think I am.”

He shook his head in faux exasperation and pulled himself up onto his knees. From there he crawled forwards, placing a knee either side of Kyoya: straddling him. The older watched his every move so closely he felt like he would burn straight through him. 

“Obviously I find you attractive,” he leaned forwards he whisper in his ear, “or I wouldn’t have let rail me all last night.”

He heard a moan in reply and grinned to himself. His self fulfilment was cut short though as Kyoya grabbed his ass, pulling him so close he could feel his bulge against his own crotch. Gasping, he choked on his own breath and leaned back as he hiccuped on the air. 

“Shit,” said the other, lap still full, “I’m sorry.”

He replied with a thumbs up before catching his breath and immediately collapsing forwards into the other in fits of laughed. The other let out a small laugh along with him but still flushed red up to the ears in embarrassment.

The moment his laughter died down, he surged up and kissed him hard. This time there was no surprise in it and both moulded together perfectly. Kaoru’s hands found themselves threaded through dark hair, moving only to guide Kyoya’s hand down again. This time one of his hands rested on his hip, drawing him closer until they were in a loop of motion, grinding together. 

The younger eventually ran a hand down his chest and started to unbutton his own (well, Kyoya’s) shirt. Met with a groan, he could see the moment Kyoya remembered the shirt being his own and found himself dragged forwards roughly, drawing a noise from him he hardly recognised as his own. 

“What the fuck?!” Came the shout of a familiar from across the room.

“Tamaki?”


	11. From bad to... kinda just weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But if a break from usual programming for a couple of chapters but I hope you enjoy none the less!

“So you haven’t heard from him either,” Haruhi sighed, voice distorted through her cheap flip phone. “Hikaru hasn’t stopped worrying. He hasn’t been home since yesterday.” 

“Kyoya won’t have let him go off on his own after something like that,” he tried to sound reassuring for both of them even if only Haruhi could hear him. “He’ll be with him, I’m sure of it.” 

“I know that but Hikaru doesn’t know Kyoya. He doesn’t trust him in the slightest. Are you sure you can’t get ahold of either of them?” 

He swivelled around in his chair trying to think. Nothing.

“Earlier Kaoru was just declining my calls but not it’s not even going through. I guess he’s put his phone on airplane mode cause of the spam of calls.”

“So we just have to sit here with our fingers crossed?” 

He sighed. He didn’t want to have to but it seemed like the only option. 

“I’ll go to Kyoya’s myself. I know Kaoru probably just wants space but... I mean I bet he’d rather see me than his brother right now.”

“Thank you, Tamaki,” she sounded genuinely grateful and his heart flooded with emotion. He didn’t know how to feel anymore and it ached.

“I just don’t want him to worry. I don’t like seeing him so...” he took a deep breath, “alone.”

xxx

The king stood wide eyed at the other end of the room as the two split apart. Though they knew it was in vain: there was no use trying to hide what they’d been doing when Kaoru toppled out of his lap, shirt open and lips kissed red.

“I- You-“ he seemed to try to find the words but in the end decided to just turn away, composing himself for a moment before turning back to face the pair. He wore the face he usually saved for handling adults. “I’m not mad. I just wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me.” 

Kyoya sighed, pushing his glasses up his face while Kaoru just stared down, wrapping the shirt around himself and hoping Tamaki didn’t notice it was two sizes too big. 

“The issue wasn’t trust Tamaki it was timing,” the older stood up off of the bed and Kaoru thanked every god of every religion that the shock had quelled the boner he’d sported a minute before. “If we hadn’t started dating what-“ he turned to Kaoru with a brow raised in question “- sixteen hours ago? I’m sure you’d have known by now.” 

“Sixteen...” he seemed to compute this in his head and seemingly decided that was an adequate answer and smiling widely, rushing over to perch himself on the edge of the bed. 

“Umm...”

“I wanna know everything!”

The pair looked at each other and both turned back to him equally bewildered.

“So,” interjected the younger, “you’re totally okay with it?” 

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” He cocked his head. 

“Because I’m a devil twin? You’re not mad I’m ‘defiling your dearest friend’ or whatever?”

Tamaki snorted. 

“For what I saw it looked like I should be more worried about you than him.”

Both boys blanched at his words cause him to cackle to himself even harder. The two shared another look, even more baffled than before. No matter how long they’d known him, nobody ever really gets used to Tamaki, as much as Kyoya may pretend to. 

“And you won’t tell anyone?” Kyoya asked in a moment of silence.

“Of course not!“ Suddenly his face morphed into a hesitant expression and Kyoya and Kaoru both found themselves holding their breath in anticipation. “But...” 

“What?” They both asked, more baffled by the second. 

“I was thinking- if you two could do me a favour maybe?” 

They nodded, leaning in in anticipation. 

“Y’know just maybe, you could- I mean not the two of you-“

“Tamaki, what do you want?” Kyoya sighed, raising a brow at the other. 

He looked down and then up, between the two of them, and then down at his hands and then back to each of them again before sighing.

“IwanttokissKoaru,” he rushed out. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Kyoya pushed, shuffling closer to his boyfriend protectively.

“I want to... kiss... Kaoru,” he whispered, throwing his hands up defensively. “But it’s okay if that’s not cool I totally get it. It’s not in a weird way I promise! It’s for... research! Yeah, yeah.”

Kyoya shook his head and was about to say no but the cogs in the other’s brain had already started to turn. Why would he want to kiss him? Surely if he was going to experiment his best friend was a more comfortable option? Unless he already... but then why... Unless?

“Okay,” Kaoru grinned, making the other’s jaw drop.

“Um, Kaoru, can we talk for a minute?” 

He grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the hallway. He checked left and right for company before continuing. 

“What the fuck?”

“Hear me out!” He waited for the tension in Kyoya’s shoulders to level out before he continued. “He asked to kiss me. Not you but me. If he just wanted to experiment it wouldn’t matter but what do I have that you don’t?”

“You’re tiny and adorable?”

“Cute,” he patted his cheek affectionately, “but no. I have a twin. A twin someone has been getting closer with recently, I believe?”

“Oh,” he muttered. “No, you don’t think-“

“I don’t not think it.” 

“You’re crazy,” he crossed his arms.

“If I’m wrong,” he stepped closer, “then you still get to see me kissing Tamaki.” 

Kyoya raised a brow but seemed to think about it, turning red on the spot, and nodded reluctantly.

“Fine but only because he must be desperate.”

xxx

“Okay?” He whispered, hand on the back of Tamaki’s neck. The other boy still seemed unsure of where to put his hands. 

“Uh, yeah,” he muttered, swallowing as he spoke. 

“Put your hands wherever’s most comfortable.”

“But nowhere under the waist,” Kyoya added from his desk chair across from them. 

Tamaki rested his hands on Kaoru’s shoulders and let out a deep breath. 

“Okay let’s do this.”

The younger moved him first, noting immediately how absurdly soft the other’s lips were followed by how delicately he kissed. He knew his brother, the hopeless romantic he reluctantly was, would swoon and could have rolled his eyes at the thought. 

Knowing the other wouldn’t, he pressed into the kiss harder, moving his lips along his and threading his fingers into his hair. The other boy kissed back but quickly pulled away, face red and jaw slack. 

“Kyoya,” he gasped, turning to his friend, “I think I like guys!” 

“I,” he paused unsure how to start. “Yeah, I think we got that.”

The blonde threw himself backwards into a laying position on his friend’s bed. He hid his face in his arms.

“Fuck!”

“So,” Kaoru patted his thigh comfortingly. “Hikaru?”

He dropped his arms for a moment to gape at him before throwing himself face down on the mattress. He whined into it.

“He hates me.”

“That’s,” Kaoru paused to find a nice way to reply but couldn’t find one, “probably not entirely true. He wouldn’t put up with you at all if that were the case!” 

Suddenly, he leapt up to a sitting position. 

“But I still like Haruhi!” He gasped, as if just realising it himself. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!” 

“You can like multiple people at once,” Kyoya dragged his chair closer. 

“But...”

“No, this is totally okay and normal, no buts,” Kaoru hit his palm to exaggerate his point. 

“But they like each other,” he muttered and suddenly Kaoru was flooded with feelings of deja vu. 

“And Hikaru thinks she likes you. Have either of you actually asked her?” 

The blonde looked perplexed for a moment and then gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth as he turned to Kaoru. His eyes seemed to sparkle. 

“I never asked!”

He leapt up and ran out of the room immediately, leaving the pair feeling as confused as when he entered, if not doubly.


	12. But I’m meant to hate you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a deviation from the usual! I was close to making this a separate fic cause it’s such a step away from the rest of the story but you all deserve to know what happens with them. I’m still not sure abt this chapter so let me know any changes or critiques you may have!

There was a knock at the door.

The two looked at each other from their positions on the bed: Haruhi resting against the headrest and Hikaru thrown over the foot of the bed. She put down her controller as Hikaru paused the game, sitting up straight with her hands tucked into her lap. 

“It’s just me,” came the voice from outside, not one of the staff or one of Hikaru’s parents but Tamaki. He pulled open the door carefully and shuffled in, keeping his eyes unusually downcast.

Hikaru jumped up to his feet. Clearly he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands as he raised them in front of him and then to his sides and then his hips.

“Was he there?” 

Haruhi could feel herself soften at his words. His voice was so small and so desperate; a part of her wished Kaoru could hear it so he’d know how much his brother needed him. A larger part knew that wasn’t fair and that Kaoru wouldn’t be acting this way without reason. 

Tamaki nodded and Hikaru puffed out a breath he’d been holding. He may not have noticed it but she could see how the older boy fidgeted. It made her nervous.

“There’s something else?” 

Hikaru’s head tilted immediately at her question and he turned to give Tamaki a scared look. His eyes were wide in a panic that Tamaki mirrored perfectly. He swallowed and breathed deeply.

“Can we talk?”

They looked to each other, eyes searching. Silently they nodded and shared expressions.

‘What does that mean?’

‘I don’t know!’

‘What do we do?’

‘Talk?’

They turned back to him and nodded simultaneously. He returned the gesture and perched on the end of the bed, the other two following closely to clamber back on.

An uncomfortable silence dragged on for a few moments. Haruhi patted her fingers idly, peaking up every few moments to find Hikaru doing the same while Tamaki gulped down several deep breathes. 

“So wh-“

“I think I’m in love with you,” he all but shouted, hiding his face in his hands as he curled in on himself in embarrassment. 

They paused, both boys looking towards Haruhi in terror while she froze like a deer in headlights. The spotlight never was her strong suit. 

But what could she say? She could hardly turn him down. Doing so would be lying to herself entirely. No matter what she tried to convince herself, her life had started to revolve around him a long time ago and, when it did, improved tenfold. He was daft and eccentric but charming and full of so much love it broke her heart to even think of not returning it with interest. 

But... Hikaru. She glanced over at him and immediately felt them. Butterflies. He wasn’t easy or soft in the way Tamaki was: he was erratic. He was so rarely open that she could easily have missed it but, after peeling back the layers, she noticed the freedom and unabashed wildness in him. He was intense and emotional and awkward and sweet. Every new day with him gave her a new reason to fall for him and it was starting to sway her heart. 

So how could she choose? Surely she didn’t even have the right? Choose between them like they were songs on a karaoke machine. Like they were frivolous and easy to move on from. Like they weren’t the people who bought the most light into her life and who, however much she may deny it, she wanted to spend her every moment with and make her every memory with from now until eternity. How could she choose just one half of her perfect now and forever?

“Tamaki I... I can’t,” she stumbled over her words. Hikaru watched her, fists clenching around rumbled sheets. “You know I-“

“Not you.”

They all froze. Tamaki kept his eyes on the sheets below him, hands shaking as he kept focusing on his breath. Hikaru’s eyes were comically wide and his jaw slack. She could only presume she looked the same. 

“Tamaki...” Hikaru muttered eventually, eyes dropped downwards, squinted as if running through his head everything those words meant. Even Haruhi struggled to process so she could only imagine how Hikaru felt.

She wasn’t dumb. She knew there was no way Hikaru was straight but whether he knew was another issue. She’d watched countless times as he’d let his eyes linger a little too long on a classmate or ramble with a little too much passion about a video game character’s design. Always tall and pretty and male.

Tamaki was a different story. As much as she wanted to presume, he’d never given her real reason. There was the surface deep: he was exceptionally camp, made recruiting attractive young men to be his friends a job, and had his extremely handsome best friend address him as “daddy”. But past that? Nothing. No lingering looks or enthusiastic admiration. The only person she’d seen him give any kind of attention was... well her. 

Yet, looking back, maybe she was wrong. Maybe she had seen him glance over to the twins just a few times too often during club. Maybe she had heard him make excuses to touch or be close to Hikaru while the three of them were alone. Maybe that’s what he did and everything she though she was seeing with him as wrong. Maybe he didn’t-

“No, I mean not only you!”

They both titled their heads. Now she was just confused. So it was her? But what about... what she may have also seen?

“I like you both. A lot. And I don’t know what to do?” 

His bottom lip jutted out as he spoke. From the corner of her eye she could see Hikaru’s face transitions from pink to red as it all sunk in. He covered his mouth with his hands and Haruhi was sure she could feel the restraint it took for him to not look to his senpai’s mouth while he pouted. 

Meanwhile, Tamaki’s eyes were clouded in wetness. Haruhi sighed and shuffled forwards, wrapping her arms around him and stroking his back soothingly. She cooed at his pout. 

“It’s okay. We can talk about this. Don’t get upset,” she continued to pet him as he wrapped his arms around her. 

From behind them Hikaru huffed. She turned to him and motioned for him to come forward to which his eyes widened once again and he turned a shade darker. He didn’t protest though and was soon moving to join them.

He rested his head on the other boy’s shoulder, just barely leaning into him. Tamaki traces his finger down his forearm, silently asking permission as the younger boy links their little fingers. The action scream at an innocence both Haruhi and Tamaki were caught off guard by and instantly it seemed to fall into place that, oh god, they both loved this boy so very much. 

Tamaki was the first to make a move, bringing up his other hand to cup his face and swooping in with a single lingering kiss. As he pulled away, Hikaru’s brows drew and confusion slidden his eyes. 

“I don’t... I don’t think I can do this right now.”

“Oh,” Tamaki seemed to start to panic so Haruhi places a hand on his knee to little success. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything like that if you don’t like me. I’m so so sor-“

“No I just- Fuck I don’t know! I hate you! I’m meant to hate you...” They all paused and Hikaru swallowed deeply. “I need to... I need Kaoru.”

The other two could only watch as he curled himself into a ball. The waterworks started instantly, pulling them both back to reality in their shock. Hikaru doesn’t cry. Ever. 

“Hey,” she tried to be soothing as she moved to rub his arm. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

Over his shoulder, Tamaki gave her a panicked look she understood as ‘this isn’t working, now what?’ to which she shrugged. She swallowed hard as Hikaru leant forwards and nuzzled into her.

“Come one,” Tamaki inputted from beside them. “He still cares. He worked out I liked you before anyone else. Clearly he’s still paying attention!” 

The younger boy leant back. 

“So?”

“So,” he sighed, moving closer, “I think I heard somewhere that love is attention. If he didn’t love you he wouldn’t care but he does. Whatever you did, why-ever he’s mad, it won’t change that.”

Haruhi turned to look at him and he looked so so beautiful. His face was soft, creased in his concern but his eyes- oh god his eyes- were brimming with affection and hope and wonder. He looked like a child being told dinosaurs weren’t made up. 

She wanted to kiss him so she did. Just a peck but enough to make his eyes widen and face light up like a bulb. 

“Um, I-“ he blubbered, stumbling over his own words like he forgot the language, “thank you?” 

From her arms, she heard a huff of laugher followed by sporadic giggling until Hikaru raised up with a tear stained grin. The sight of him chuckling away was contagious and they were quickly a mess of giggles rolling around on the bed like idiots. 

They’d have to talk about it again. They knew that deep down. But for now, they hauled themselves up and turned on the Wii for some extreme mario kart. Haruhi could feel a mantra in the back of her mind screaming:

“I love these boys, my boys, so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch the Ladybird reference?


	13. A Cup of Tea

“Are you sure?” Kyoya groaned from the bed, wrapping an arm around his waist and being a general nuisance as he tried to change. He’d only gotten up long enough to grab Kaoru some old clothes to wear home before promptly returning under the covers. 

“You should have warned me you were the clingy type,” he chuckled as he leant down to kiss him, pulling back before Kyoya could tempt him into anything more. “Besides I have to go back today to get my stuff ready for Monday. I’ll just also talk to my brother on as well.”

He’d resolved to do so around an hour after Tamaki had left. The older boy sent his best friend an extremely cryptic message reading only ‘he might hate me but I think it went okay’. After ten minutes of trying to decipher how that could possibly make sense, the two were treated to another message, this one being a selfie of Tamaki with Hikaru and Haruhi rested against each of his shoulders. 

The picture had an unexpected effect on him and instantly he resolved to go home the next day. Kyoya tried to work out what made him change his mind about staying the full weekend but he couldn’t explain it. Something about seeing his brother so vulnerable made his heart ache for his other half. He suddenly needed to see him and Monday was not gonna be good enough. 

“It will be somewhat surreal,” sighed the older boy. “I’ve grown so used to waking up next to you already. I’ll miss it.”

“I’ll miss you,” he turned to smile at him. He looked so different tucked up in bed. Softer. Much more like Kaoru knew he was deep down. 

He paused at the edge of the bed for a moment, smiling softly. In the back of his mind anxiety was nibbling at him.

Kyoya raised a brow when he didn’t move.

“What’s wrong?”

He swallowed, taking a deep breath before perching on the bed next to him. He smoothed our the sheets around him as he spoke.

“Nothing has changed, right?” He ducked his head down with each word.

“Why would it have?” 

“I mean,” he took a deep breath, “with Tamaki being-“

Instantly, Kyoya sighed and pushed himself upright, hooking an arm around the smaller boy’s waist to drag him closer. The younger let him, flopping forwards like a rag doll.

“I don’t want Tamaki,” he gave a pointed look, squeezing his hip lightly. “I want you. You’re my boyfriend.”

He grinned at the words, nuzzling his face into the older boy’s shoulder to hide the flush on his cheeks. He was so lucky.

“Besides, I don’t think I’m his type,” he huffed a laugh.

xxx

“We’re here,” Fukumi turns to him, waiting for him to shuffle out of the car and raising a brow when he stays deathly still. “Hitachiin-san?”

Biting his lip, he whips up his head. His mind was so muddled he wanted to just turn back around and run to Kyoya. Instead he nods. 

“Yes,” he scrambled for the door. “Thank you, Fukumi. I’ll just be-“

He looked up briefly and felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs. Hikaru was there, in the doorway. 

His whole body was clearly tensed, fists tight and teeth clenched. His face scared Kaoru the most though. It was totally unreadable. He thought he would always know what his brother was thinking and the sudden change shook through him like a current. Had they really fallen so far apart?

Breathing a sigh, he opening the door and climbed out. He could feel his whole body trying to shut down and curl into the quivering mess he knew he couldn’t be right now. He kept his back straight and held his head high. 

“Kyoya’s not with you?” His brother called down to him from the door. Under the shelter, the shade made him look menacing and angry. Or maybe he really was angry. Kaoru didn’t know anymore.

“No,” he thanked god his voice didn’t crack and took a step back towards the car. Fukumi hadn’t driven off yet and it felt nice to have someone at his back. 

Scoffing, Hikaru walked forwards, the edge of the stairs. The shadows split his face like a villain in an old movie and Kaoru couldn’t help but shiver at the sight of this boy he didn’t feel like he knew. 

“Well?” 

Hikaru motioned for him to speak but he stayed silent. He didn’t know what he was meant to say and, stood here like this, he felt small and fragile. They’d look like a Mexican standoff if Hikaru didn’t clearly have the upper hand. What a cruel joke. 

“What do you want me to say?” 

He tutted. 

“You know,” he sighed, the exasperation in his voice boiling Kaoru’s blood. 

“No,” the older boy looked at him like he wasn’t making sense and immediately he snapped again, just like in the club room. “I have no fucking clue, Hikaru! I don’t know what you want from me and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you.”

He realised what he’d said as soon as he said it but he didn’t care. It was hardly a lie at this point. His eyes pricked with tears at the thought that maybe, just maybe, this was it for them. He swallowed it down as Hikaru rushed forwards.

His felt his brother grab his shirt before he processed it was happening and stumbled forwards. Up close he could see that Hikaru’s eyes were as glazed with tears as his. 

“What the fuck did I do to deserve this, Kaoru? Why do you suddenly hate me? Why are you always with- with him,” he practically spat the words in his face and each one felt like a slap. His brother really didn’t even notice. He didn’t see how he cringed at his words or swallowed back the hurt comments. 

Suddenly Hikaru was moved out of his space, pushed away by a larger hand to his shoulder. Fukumi stood between them, eyes narrowed in a glare at Hikaru. 

“I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you,” he growled, voice deeper and flatter than Kaoru ever imagined he could make it, “but don’t you dare touch him like that.” 

“Who the fuck are you?” Hikaru jerked away from his touch as he spoke and Kaoru could almost see the smoke from his ears like a raging bull. 

“It doesn’t matter-“

“Oh yes it bloody does, asshole.”

And suddenly Fukumi’s fists were bunched in Hikaru’s shirt, yanking him forwards and up off the ground. His eyes were flames and his mouth was a tight line. 

“I’m nobody. But I owe a lot to someone who cares very much about your brother and I doubt he’d appreciate seeing you lay so much as a finger on his boyfriend, okay?”

Hikaru’s eyes were blown wide as he nodded frantically. As Fukumi let him go with a flick of his wrist, he stumbled to his feet and turned to his brother, trembling in fear. 

“Boyfriend?” 

Ah, the trembling wasn’t out of fear. His brother huffed, storming back inside and slamming the door after him. After a moment of stunned silence, Fukumi turned wide eyed to him.

“I’m so sorry,” he rushed out, stumbling over the syllables. “I didn’t even think about- or whether he’d know or why- God, I’m so sorry!”

He sighed. His mind was screaming fifty different things and most of them were mean and ruthless. Reasonably, he knew Fukumi cared about him: he’d said so himself. He wouldn’t have done it on purpose.

“It’s fine. You couldn’t have known.” Even as he spoke, he couldn’t look him in the eye. He was mad and sad and was going to cry the moment he got to his room and probably not stop for a long while. Fukumi didn’t have to know that. “Thank you.”

With that, he took his leave, fleeing up the stairs and into the house. He threw the doors closed behind him and leant against them, scrunching his eyes closed as he caught his breath and tried to subdue his tears long enough to get to his room. 

“I made tea.”

He jumped at the sound and his eyes flew open, a drop of a tear cascading down his cheek as they did. He swallowed at the familiar sight.

Hikaru stood there holding two mugs of steaming tea. His smile was small and forced but he clearly was trying hard to keep it up. 

“Can we talk about it?”

xxx

“That’s why you were at his that night?” Hikaru’s jaw was dropped practically to the floor. He was sat up rigidly in his shock, like a meerkat on a barstool. Kaoru would have laughed if he weren’t so unbelievably embarrassed by it all. “And that’s why you forgot to call?”

“You already know the answer to that. Please don’t torture me!”

“I’m just impressed,” he chuckled, “my baby brother roping in a boyfriend so quickly.” 

He twirled an invisible lasso which he used to capture the other boy and pull him forwards. The younger rolled his eyes and laughed at his antics. He’d missed this so much he wanted to savour it but still rolled his eyes.

“It’s not like it was that simple.”

“Really? You wooed him, slept with him and then started dating him. Not simple?”

He turned to sip his tea, side eyeing his brother and earning himself a raised brow.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“If I tell you, you have to promise you won’t freak out or get mad or-“

“Why would I get mad? What the fuck did he do?” 

“Hikaru!” He pretending to chip his brother in the head and was met with a dramatic fake concussion until his brother grinned and shook his head.

“Fine, I promise. Now tell me!”

“He was in love with Tamaki.”

Silence.

And then.

“What?!” He screeched so loudly Kaoru was sure they’d have to apologise to the family down the road for the noise.

“He was in love with-“

“Tamaki?!” He gasped again before pausing, looking down and then returning to him with a wide eyed stare. “Oh shit, that makes so much sense. What the fuck?”

“Right? I remember how he used to say his name during sex. Even now I’m a little jealous,” he grinned.

“I can imag- wait, run that by me again. While you were having sex?”

“Umm,” he hesitated, trying to come of with an excuse for the part of the story he completely planned to leave out. “Yes?”

“Okay,” he huffed out a deep breath and leant back in his chair, massaging his temples before he continued. “He was saying another guys name while you did it and you stayed with him? Not only that but you’re absolutely about to defend him!”

“It’s not like we were dating!” 

“It’s not like what?” He looked like he was going to have an aneurism and Kaoru immediately wished they could go back to not talking.

“Friends with benefits,” he mumbled under his breath hoping Hikaru would mishear it as something, anything better. 

“He asked you to be friends with benefits? Please tell you you’re joking.”

“Not exactly...”

“Jesus Christ, what does that mean?”

“I asked him.”

He stared at him with wide eyes. After a moment he sighed and downed the last of his tea.

“Alright, start over from the beginning. I’m lost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m running out of direction for this fic but I’m way too scared of actually ending it. I’m gonna try and drag out the fluff for a few chapters to make up for the angst I’ve put you all through. Thanks to everyone who’s been keeping up and leaving comments I’d probably have given up without you all. I hope this is a satisfying end to the drama <3


End file.
